Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

there is nothing here in this city anymore... i am only here for one reason .. even old habit's no longer interest me.. can someone explain to me why i feel this way? it's just another day before the end.. wonder what tommorow will bring... current mood: dispossesed.

if you had a relationship, just because you don't live with that person anymore doesn't mean they're a non-human being. if someone's been a part of your life, that part of your life can neither erased nor forgotten. -from the tao of Willie (Nelson)

... and this weekend couldn't get any fucking better. i am in a really fucking bad mood and things just keep looking worse and worse all the time... seems everything i try and do these days turns to fucking shit... wonder why i bother fucking trying at all anymore.. everything i do in this life ends up with me hitting a fucking brick wall.. this fucking blows... maybe it's time to do something drastic. anyone got a noose? just kidding i'd never do something like that or would I? only the people that really fucking know me know the answer to that... and at this time i'm not sure who if anyone i can trust... current mood: betrayed.

why does today feel like i'm just waiting for something to happen? i'm getting sick of waiting on people to call me for jobs.. why does it feel like everything in my life is happening in reverse right now? boredom is killing me... i need to get out and have some fun.. maybe next week. current mood: Apathetic.

i'm bored and i miss windsor... i have sacrificed a lot but i don't know what the fucking next step is... feels like i'm just cooling my heels waiting for tommorow.. maybe the st. catherines return was a mistake... i feel old habits returning... maybe i should get motivated agian and do something... Current Mood: Apathetic.

why are all the women in my life that i end up having long term relationships Leo's? i'm pretty fucking sure Leo's and virgo's are physcially, emotionally, and intellucually incompatibatable but i love them anyways.... ridiculous... maybe i should read some astrology to see why both of the long term girls have ended disatrously .. it's gotta be something in the stars.. i used to belive in fate and soulmates but now i'm not so sure.. on the other hand.. it's funny.. on the 13th i was too busy thinking about the one with the the birthday coming up on the 22nd than the girl i left behind... i had almost forgotten that it was her birthday until someone mentioned it... but it did get me thinking.. both of the most important partners in my life since adolocence have been leo's... i wonder if there's a reason for that.. maybe god is mocking me... anyways.. no big deal.. i have things to do.. don't need to think about it forever... it's making my hea

back to my regular efforts of wasting time in an effort to find a job. had to clean up my place and was tired so i stayed in yesterday. but tis ok.. i have a job interview at robert land academy. hopefully i get the job. military setting working with deliqwuent kids.. that wouldn't be so bad... gonna have to get the monkey suit out of mothballs tho. things are looking up in my life... hopefully everything continues to go well... i guess making a major change in status quo really shook some fucking heads up. it defintly knocked me for a loop. current mood: still glowing from the weekend.

or how the one eyed skeleton became scuba steve... i have had an awesome weekend... we are runnign around the library right now,i think between aladdin and pooh i have had all the disney for a while... but we had a really good time and i kept him well fed and he didn't get bored... that thomas table was a stroke of genuis. anyways.. short report today as we have things to do... talk to you later and/or tommorow. current mood: exheedingly happy.

can you guess why that it is? i am having an awesome morning... everything seems to be going right with the world today... it's an awesome feeling. all of life's little problems seems to have faded away.. for the long weekend at least. Current Mood: Awesome.

it's one of those goddamn days... nothing could have went right for me yesterday except one thing... why does one step forward end up being two steps right back into the same fucking hole i've been crawling out of my hole life... any time i try and fucking accomplish shit i end up with my face in the sand.. i'm so frustrated i think it's time to give up and maybe find a new direction.. Current Mood: fucking frustrated.