Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

i cannot wait for this year to be over... looks like my hand has been forced and i am done with st. catherines... at least where i am living now... But that's fine... i'm going to get a job and leave.. i needed reasons to leave i have them now... time to improve upon my life... Current Mood:Pissed off but Positive. Happy New Year, here's to a better year.

tonight was awesome and we had a great time, santa came earlier and boy did he ever. it's amazing how one little person and the people he surrounds himself with can change an outlook on life. Current Mood: Positive.

things just got a lot less complicated. it is time to move forward with my life and not let the little things drag me down, the end of frustrations. it's time to deal in postivities, after all the better person is always the person willing to agree to disagree and work for the best possible solution. Current mood: Happy and Hopeful for 2008.

it's that time of year agian where everything seems to be caving in... i just want to get thru this stupid holiday and be done with it.. i need a job yesterday, even when i'm trying to do that positively something goes and screws that up. my patience with the organizational systems of control are currently Nil. on a positive note there has been some communication with the embattled front and she is being more co-oparative given the holiday season and the fact we may actually be seeing eye to eye about a few things... here's to a new year full of a lot less bullshit. Current Mood: Headache and frustration with myself.

from today's Pulse Rant Line, Dec. 6th-12 2007. Three Words: Fuck you Dave. wonder who that's directed to. Current Mood: Frustrated.

i hate greedy poeple around christmas, nothing like hoarding 200$ dollars worth of charity for your kids because this area is so rich and charitable, i'm not complaining... i have a huge C3po figure for my son, it's just disgusting to see people in a charity i have no patience for shit like that. current mood: dismayed,

man, i'm exhausted... it's been a fucked up weekend... i swear i need to quit scheduling 15 billion job interviews back to back.. so tired.. exhausted.. napping for the rest of the day... same bullshit tommmorow... live while i'm alive, Sleep when i'm dead. Current Mood: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

the dance card is certianily busy this week i have 4 count em four upcoming job interviews in the next week and who knows what else will come my way... 4 cities in 5 days sometimes i feel like my head will explode.. ah whatever it will change things.. nothing like having $$$ in the wallet. grown up time. Current Mood: exhausted, i was enjoying my little vacation. Current Music: No Leaf Clover,Metallica.

i am so glad that this month is almost over..... two weeks and everything changes. Current Mood: Pissed. Current Music: Estranged, Guns and roses. When you're talkin to yourself And nobody's home You can fool yourself You came in this world alone (Alone)

I cant understand how a certain someone thinks she is the dictator of the southwestern region and that she has no consquences to her actions.

another day another set of problems.. at least things that would have seemeed garguatuan in the past are not looking like end of the world scenarios anymore.. things are looking up and being positive although there hasn't been much change in the horizon.... i'm starting to think it's just a matter of visualiaztion and an attitude.. who knows... current mood: positive.

another mindnumbing useless job i have applied too.. Mall santa.. but tis the season to make some money... give me a job... any job.. even a seasonal one... plus i know a little someone that would think it was awesome that i'm being one of santa's helpers out in the world. Current Mood: Happy.

Virgo: You've been put in charge of a big project, and you don't feel qualified. Don't worry. They wouldn't have asked if they didn't think you could handle it.

that would be really reaching into the past and bringing it full circle wouldn't it... it's an opening to a new window... the old bitternesses about toronto and the old freinds are gone.. it's time to start over somewhere a little more comfortable... i am going batshit in thorold.... i need out... I wanna get out of here I wanna, I wanna get out of here I gotta get out of here I gotta get out of here IgottagetoutahereIgottagetoutahereIgottagetoutahere Ya gotta let me out of here Let me outta here I gotta get outta here Let me outta here I gotta get outta here Let me outta here I gotta get outta here frustation is filling my soul.. there are some positives but right now the confusion over 3 destinies is clouding everything... it should be interesting to see the next move on the chess board will be... the games and the mental instabilty are to the forefront... the next month of communication should be interesting and/or tell us nothing at all. i cover myself and my brood in p

insignificant in·sig·nif·i·cant Function: adjective Date: 1651 : not significant: as a: lacking meaning or import : inconsequential b: not worth considering : unimportant c: lacking weight, position, or influence : contemptible d: small in size, quantity, or number — in·sig·nif·i·cant·ly adverb Current mood: Annoyed and Hostile.

August 22 - September 22 Question: What form of entertainment would be most likely to cure your brain cramps? Answer: watching the demolition of an old building. Question: What lucky break could ensure you won keep missing the forest for the trees? Answer: finding a birds nest. Question: What soul medicine would be most effective in giving you access to your repressed intuition? Answer: reading mythic tales of resurrection. Question: What is the hardest yet most rewarding possible lesson you could learn right now? Answer: how to whistle with two fingers. Question: Where can you find a portal to another dimension? Answer: in your bedroom.

i think it's time to start putting together ideas and source material for my adventures and start writing the book i've always promised myself and other people i would write, maybe clear my mind of everything before i move back to hamilton. all my adventures and experinces in my life can surely be of interest and teach someone else something correct? who knows... if i move back to hamilton i will have came full circle finishing an adventure that started in the early 90's when i left home... we shall see what happen's next... the mindspace is always better in the hometown.. i can hide in broad day light and not be an eyesore. Current Mood: Introspective. Current Music: You're (fucking) Crazy, Gun's and Roses. dedicated to she who may not be named.

the morning fog in hamilton is an experice i've missed over the years.. somehow i think i need to find balance...hamilton may not be it but it's closer than st. catherines... it's ironic, the nomadic tendecies remain but for once in my life i can see myself settling down and taking roots agian in a place i thought i left behind me. (sound familar?) current mood: hopeful. current music: girls, girls, girls. motley crue

st. catherines is no longer a healthy state of mind... i shouldn't have to sell my soul to h and r block to deal with power struggles. i need somewhere more positive for me and mine's stae of mind... i never thought i'd be saying that about steeltown. current mood? fucked if i know, exhausted.. long ass day. current music: GNR, My michelle. (dedicated to mah girl chastity.)

i wish that when i grow i don't end up as angry and as bitter as you. of course i'm not still pretending to be 17 and that the world owes me everything either. current mood: happy.. was a good weekend.

...and the mind games continue agian.... i love being dictated to when an acceptable solution hasn't been asked for... and now the arguments resume... to bad i already had plans for the day in your general direction... it's been a great day.. beware the crowds at toys r us however... did i mention we got this today to watch tonight? apperently i rule. we got some pirate hotwheels too and are thinking about some igenex dinosaurs.. as well as the the ever present buzz lightbeer.. sponsered by budweisers... ick! but we are having a blast... p.s. never go to a wendys near a highway at lunchtime. Current Mood: Happily awesome.

another false start so what else is new... the mindgames continue. Current Mood: Tired. emiotionally spent.

i ain't your savior and the mind games ended a long time ago. I got an F and a C, and I got a K too And the only thing that's missing is a bitch like u You wanted perfect, you got your perfect Now I'm too perfect for someone like you I was a dandy in the ghetto with a snow white smile But you'll never be as perfect whatever you do What's my name? What's my name? Hold the S because I am an ain't Current Mood: Avoidance

things just get better and better... i love how people are delusional till the last minute until they decide to do something proactive... also, i have further proof that St. Ca$herines is truly Hell... today i saw a girl driving a Benz with the licence plate Riot Grl... i'm sure in the city of posuers she's not the only one who thinks she's HXC when really she's only pretending... wait a second.. i know she's not the only one...

eveverything comes to an end. not often in the way expected. next week should be interesting... things are coming to an absolution not in a way that i had wanted but in a way that will do fine... at least the current rules of this quarintine will be established. the advanbtage is mine... Current Mood: Positive.

we are at a place where it is confusing... i think we are starting to understand each other but yet do not communicate by your choice alone... you are starting to realize your mistakes but are doing nothing to act upon them... added worrys on this side of this cold war debate are utterly confusing.. mixed signals from the nuetral third party could lead to your disaster... ..but otherwise it was a good extended long weekend.. current mood: pessismistic.

you wanted a fucking battle, now you have one. the time for games and posturing is over. do not pass go, do not collect 200$ go directly to Hell... because that's what i'm going to make the next month of your life. i am sick of the bullshit double talk and mindgames. sometimes i just want to walk away but i realize that doing that would be a sign of weakness and this is a battle that has to be fought even if only to a certian standstill. Current Mood: Fucking Hostile!!!!

i was going thru some old papers yesterday and i found some of your old notes and poems you addressed to me.. have we really changed that much or is it the world around us that has passed us by? it seemed simpler and more complex back in those days... i wonder what happened why the attitude changes and the anger comes from.. forever is fleeting i guess... when girls that pretend to be 17 all there lives grow up its a shock to both our systems i guess.... i wonder if the people we were then would be happy with the people we are now.... current mood: introspective, wondering.

few shitty day and now things seem to be going on an upwards keel.. finaly got out of the house and did something for myself last night.... there's basics stocked in the house instead of buying cigarettes i have lots of penuts butter, and alpha bits... gotta do what the responsibilty is.. plus i can always bum a cigarette or get them cheaper than buying tm's these days. hopefully this job on thorold stone near our old apterment works out or this over night position in guelph.. that would be cool.... beer all day in hot summer then sleep then work lolololol..... we shall see.. i'm feeling positive today. Current mood: Positive.

god, i thought i was a fucking asshole... i'm the fucking tooth fairy in comparison. i cannot belive the fucking bullshit that is happening, manuvering and bullshit games is not the way to go about things... i will be vindicated one day soon.. it's not my head your busy fucking up.. soon you will realize that... till then go to hell... and take your bad attitude with you.. Update: no Dice on Fort Erie. Current Mood: Pissed OFF.

today's horrorscope: Virgo: It's time to go back to your original plan. You've been trying to shake things up, but your first idea was the best one.

had another Awesome weekend... and i might be working with something i actually want to do... fort erie? fishing down here on the river would be awesome and it's just the right part of the region to be comfortable with... we shall see.... it's a really good career move if i get it... krusty the clown and milhouse are awesome next time i'll get apu and granpa simpson....you can't got wrong with kids toys at 4.99. Current Mood: Happy Happy Joy Joy.

had an awesome weekend even with the heat and the rain. watched blues clues all weekeend, went to the park and played, there are times that transcend reality and what's going on outdoors sometimes... when all you can see is potetional and not everything else...the weekend was full of energy and excitement over the littleest things... it was a blast and i may get a repeat this weekend ahead of schedule... nothing like a weekend like this to lightn ones spirits. Current mood: Happiness.

had a good weekend and we had fun, he won a nemo at the carnival..... i am finding out that i am only really living for the weekends these days... One year later after leaving university and i'm still in the emotional maelstrom i was a year ago... it seems there is nothing out there.. maybe it's time for another lifestyle change agian, hopefully i can get something for the summer and relocate. Current Mood: Distant.

Interview In Hamilton Tommorow, i am looking upon the decimated remainders of my life and noticing that almost a year ago july 3rd i made the wrong Decision. i should have not chosen st. catherines as the next place to live... there is absolutley nothing here for me but that which matters most... but weekends aren't enough.. i can't be a bystander to my own life passing me by.. i need to be active and enjoy it... not be a borg drone watching my life pass me by... i am in the process of making decisons in my life that may change everything... if i can leave town Asap i am doing it, Never wanted to put down roots anyways until i was forced to. Current Mood: Apathy Current Music:À Tout Le Monde (2007), Megadeth http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhAdjEvyWEk

the circus was fun. certian behaviors of certian immature adults are becoming suspect however... that's ok.. it's always a gamble when you go to the Casino. Current Mood: Still Annoyed. Current Music: This Flight Tonight, Nazareth

todays horrorscope: Instead of spending money on frivolous items today, buy something that's an investment in your future. It'll pay off in the end. and you wanna know what's funny.. i actually have Money. going to the circus this weekend woohoo... Current mood:happy. Current Music: I love it loud, Kiss.

had a awesome weekend. little bit of the one day flu for both of us but nothing a little water and sleep couldn't kick. loved the new dinosaurs... nothing like a temple or two that blows up when you press a button... the attitude is lessening from other parties, hopefully something good comes of this weeks interviews... thinking of going to the circus this weekend... we shall see... Current Mood: upbeat. Current music: You're Crazy, GNR.

so anyways.. freedom from slavery agian... but i'll get something at least for the summer... tons of interviews agian.. but i'd rather flip burgers or go to manpower than have to deal with that horseshit for minumum wage.. i need secruity... i can leave st. catherines for that.. i do not need to be here... i miss windsor... if thinks get FUBAR for the summer here i can always go couch hopping with REAL freinds up in Windsor, Honestly but for one reason am regretting leavin windsor... things were better there... my life sucks here... i'm sick of trying. Current Mood: Not happy. Current Music: Used to love her, GNR.

nothing like having the feeling your foreman is trying to convince you to quit when he knows it's not likely he can fire you. work hard? work so damn hard my feet and finger's bleed. i like the job but the politics and bullshit are getting to me already, if this crap wasn't so damn important i would leave... st. catherines, Ontario all of it... i should have went to victoria and went to university and pulled a disapeering act afterwords... i'd have a better job in windsor or anywhere else i tell you that... i fucking hate it here... the minute i can leave i will.... keep looking for a real job and not this shit. Current Mood: tired, pissed Off, angry. Current Music: Disaccotative, Marilyn Manson.

it get's easier and harder all at the same time... might go to the circus on father's day... haven't decided... i am starting to realize what my father has been doing all these years with his work schedule... so much for cable i fall alseep watching tv all the time now... Current Mood: Tired. Current Music: Yesterdays, GNR

the most important things in life are free, like a childs smile and when he's happy. Current Music: enlightened. Current Music: My Little Man, Ozzy.

it's getting easier.. and dirtier... got covered in soot and dirt today... not complianing... it's not about me... i'll eventually get another job but this one will do for the moment.... as long as i visulaize what's important when i'm getting down in the monotony... reptetive tasks are so much fun... but i'm getting better at it.... and it is giving me my indepence from all the fuckers that were tugging on my fucking coattails... i prefer doing things on my own.... has something to do with the upbringing or lack thereof i guess.. Current Mood: sweaty, Dirty and i've already showered... bath tonight. Current Music: Nothern lights, Hole.

i would die if i couldn't come home from fucking work after being in airwalks for 8 hours and switch to my air cushioned souls... man my feet hurt... the new airwalks are good and broken, almost as broken as someone else i know... the job is growing on me... it's a paycheck and it's close... the work is getting easier... but i still look forward to the end of the day... now to settle some bullshit in my personal life and get a better job in my feild and i'll be game... Current Mood: Is Hot a Fucking Mood? Current Music: Astronomy, Metallica.

still not overly impressed but the job is getting easier and i'm learning how the fucking place works, got to do some diffrent things today... a little worried about security there tho... there are issues that have nothing to do with my worth ethic... wasn't aware that it was subsidized until after i got hired... kinda pissed off at some people for not clarifying that.. obvious i'm still looking for real work... i need a job that makes more money and i really want out of St. Catherines, Thorold ain't so fucking bad but i still want out... there's other places i could be working and be happier... as it is right now i've been there two days and other than my weekends my fucking job is my entire life... thats fucking sad, pathetic actually... but whatever... it's a placeholder until something else comes around... at least now i'll have $$$ for beer. Current Mood: Annoyed. Current Music: Rock Bottom, Eminem.

not overly impressed.... but i'm going back tommorow... money's money and it gets the delusional monkey off my back... so much for my new airwalks tho... note to self... do not wear brand new white airwalks to a shitty dirty warehouse... Ruined... :-(... guess there work shoes now. Current mood: what the fuck do you think, I'm exhuasted. Current Music: City of Angels,The Distillers

interesting interview today, hopefully i get this job. it's a block away from my house, and anything at this fucking point will do, bills to pay and responsobilities, things are looking up.. should get interesting the next few weeks and the hours look good. Current Mood: Upbeat. Current Music: Revelation (Mother Earth), Ozzy

had a good weekend, moody a little last night tho. things are changing that is evident and obvious... attitudes, feelings, and everything else. kinda hard to be a brick wall when you're tired as hell. but the cold war continues... no more games... just leave things as they are... let the small battles be fought and let her pretend to think she's won. went on a nature hike out to the canal yesterday, that was interesting... got my ass fuckin lost. at least i somewhat knew where i was... it was kinda cool to go out and see the big water... will have to go out fishing out there this summer... should have the time too... looks like i might get this job across the street in thorold... tell me.. how much would that fuckin rock? i'm comfortable here, small problems aside this place is starting to feel like home... maybe one day someone else will wake up and relize that fact too... too bad it'll be too late. wish me luck. Current Mood: Optomistic. Current Music: Holy Diver, Dio

i am going fucking insane... the delusional bitterness is getting to me... imaginary scenarios that would never happen... this city is dragging me down... i need to find somewhere else to be. Current Mood: Exhausted.

hopefully next week will be better, this week sucked. starting to evulate things on a higher level. realizing that some of the games being played aren't my fault. Current Mood: Angry Current Music: Out ta get me, GNR.

you've proven time and time agian you are fucking untrustworthy go figure... you have to be the worlds biggest fgucking loser.... i forgot your a spoiled little rich princess... welcome back to reality... it's gonna hit and hard.... no more mr. nice guy, in fact more anything, quuit dreaming, you have now engendered a brand of hate that will never ever go a-fucking-way. have a nice day, rot in hell. Current Mood: Fucking Hostile.

fucking cunts are all out there..... never do anything nice for anyone because it will fuciing end up stabbing you in the back... i could have been a fucking asshole and said no... in fact i should have... you my dear are a fucking cunt... i hope the new ugly boyfreind is the worst one you've ever had. you're a fucking controlling pyschotic. i hope you rot in hell, one day you will be exposed for the cruel fucking person you have become. go Fuck yourself. current mood: I'm a shiny happy person, Not. Current Music: The Angry Voices in my head aka No music for you.

things are improving...... hopefully by the end of the month this kaliedescopic downward spiral of my life will change and improve... first steps towards absolution of issues began/ended today.... Current Mood: optomistic. Current Music: Running with the Devil, Van Halen.

sometimes miracles do happen... but always for a reason. hang in their big brother. Current Music: http://sadkermit.com/video.html Current Mood: relived,hopeful,Serene.

nothing is this life is ever free. fucking karma.... i just hope he pulls through... he's in my prayers.... it couldn't have hit any closer to home. Current mood: Unknown. Current music: Megadeth - A Tout Le Monde

tonight should be fun. going to see meet the robinsons. in a really good mood. i think that job in Missuaga might pan out... things are finally coming together... it's weird how life is circular and things you might not have thought of doing ten years ago are the same exact things you're doing know... guess that's the price of growing up. Current mood: Happy. Current Music: Sweet Child Of Mine, Guns and Roses.

is watching Spongebob Squarepants the movie on a sunday morning....

i am having an awesome day.... we got new shoes and a coat today.... we might go see TMNT or meet the robinson's tommorow.... hot dogs and NY fries the works... did i mention he's got a hat straight out of lord of the rings from turtle pond toys? the easter bunny came... can't wait to see the reaction. there's a new spidey trike and some other stuff... i am really enjoying the weekend... all of concerns are trivial at the moment. Current Mood: Outstandingly happinness.

it's amazing how old freinds can reconnect even over years of lost times and emotions remain the same even if both parties have moved on in their lifes and hold no illusions about one another... a maturity in the voice that hopefully will be matched by the same in your eyes, i knew that you would pop up out of the blue one day, i would have felt it if something ever happened to you otherwise... i think that this is a sign that my life is about to change for the better... i need to leave st. catherines, it's dragging me down into someone i don't want to be... being in toronto this week kinda reminded me of that... it's just like here only larger... toronto is full of people without souls, just robots going to work... it's similar to here... no one here has the spark anymore.... (with a few exceptions.).. but ya.. st. catherines isn't healthy for me.... i'm only here for one reason and one reason alone and i think we all know what that is. Current Mood: Hopefu

things are reaching resolution and at least we are starting to understand each other, hopefully this will continue, it's not about interpersonal diffrences it's about doing what's right. Current mood: Satisfied. Current Music: Estranged, Guns and Roses.

last night was a buitful ending to great day.. the clouds went away and the son came out, he's happy, i'm happy and everything seems right in the world.... hope that this fragile peace between us lasts. a picture went home she liked it, he wouldn't let go of it. current mood: happy. current music: Captive State of Mind, betrayer http://www.459.betrayer.ca/cgi-bin/dl.cgi?id=006

please dig yourself a bigger hole... your stupidity is matched by your controlling behaviors... you play games... i can't even find myself angry at you anymore... you're pathetic and playing mind games.... go find someone else to leech off of... wait... no one else will have you.... Current Mood: Amused by Stupidity. Current Music: Nice Boys, Guns and Roses. I'm not a nice boy and I never was.

it just take's two fucking seconds for someone to totally set me off.... fucking rigid bullshit... you're the one who lied... you're the one who cheated... you're the fucking reason both of our live's fucking suck!!! you have no idea what i would do to you if i didn't have myself set to such a high moral fucking standard!!! i fucking Hate you.... so fucking much... i wish you would just go away... stop playing the fucking Mindgames... you're the one who's gonna get Crucified... i have pateince but i'm getting to a fucking breakpoint... No more games No more lies... thanks for the ammunition... your fuckin done. Current Mood: Fucking hostile. Current Music: Mama Kin, GnR

nothing but silence this weekend... still waiting.... Current Mood: Annoyed. Current Music: Shotgun Blues, Guns and Roses

what really is the defintion of family these days anyways? is the nuclear family still the accepted norm or should we consider family as an entirely new animal these days? Current Mood: Annoyed. Current Music: Run to the Hills, Iron Maiden.

had a great weekend and got what i needed to do today done.. have to still clear up some bullshit but like everything else it takes time... not entirely pleased with current aspects of the universe, i mean why are some people so fucking two faced? it would be a lot easier to find peace outthere and inside if people were honest with each other instead of machinations agianst each other and playing games. Whatever, Current Mood: Conflicted. Current Music: Wretched Ways, Betrayer. http://www.459.betrayer.ca/cgi-bin/dl.cgi?id=005

i fucking hate people who are hypocritical mother fuckers.... it's nothing like fucking going after a person for something and then doing yourself.... of course it's nice to keep things status quo until you find a time to crawl up my ass. whatever. Current Mood: Do I look a little Pissed off? Current Music: Sweet Child Of Mine, Gun's and Roses.

i have absolutly no idea of what to do with myself this week..... it's march break and it's nice outside.. maybe i'll spend the rest of the week just hanging out and playing guitar.... hopefully i get the phone call i'm half heartly expecting... (see me not holding my breath.) this would have been a great week to fuck off to windsor if it wasn't for the fact that i'm fuckin' overtired. i've gotta get up there some time in april.... the job search continues.. kinda hoping i get the job i interviewed for yesterday but time will tell and we will see.... sick of hitting fucking brick walls... but still trying to think positive. maybe something will come of this Toronto Children's Aid job. Current Mood: Frustrated Current Music: Saturday nights alright for fighting, NickelSUCK/Kid Rock

it's a nice place to be, so tired last night i got home and dropped everything... i guess these are the sacrifices on has to make to make the future brighter for him and his own, i know one thing... i might hate st. catherines, but i hate toronto and the big city idiocy more... i might work there but i'll never live there.... hopefully i get a job in which it's easy to commute... or something here... but toronto sucks ass... i hated the whole week.... toronto is not somewhere to raise a child... no wonder i ended up as fucked up as I am... i was exhausted last night... it's amazing how far the body can put itself through when properly motivated... my skull is still ringing... need another good nights sleep...don't miss living in Toronto at all... didn't even bother with old freinds when i was there... they are part of another life... not one i want to return to... i have things to live forward now... if i'm gonna get drug into the abyss worse than i curre

a few decent bites this week... really hoping to get this school job out in pickering... be nice to work with in an all male school/group home position... a place to have a brand new start.... toronto si less than impressing as usual... can't belive i spent 3 days in theis shithole... doesn't impress me as much as it used to, there's not the attraction their used to be. it's a long week, i don't even get to go home till tommorow cuz i've got another interview out in the falls... so far, so good, so what? Current mood: Tired Current Music:Ain't My Bitch, Metallica.

looks like another fun weekend.... might even be a long one... gonna just hang out in Town instead of going away... no point... the toys and the movies are here for the most part... should be an enjoyable weekend... managed to pay down some bills and get my haircut this week so all in all i'm happy... another job interview today and a few more next week... hopefully something comes thur soon... sick of sitting on my ass all day.. i didn't go to college and university to do nothing with my life... almost everything's been accomplished now if i can get a decent job and take care of me and my own and their best intrests i will be happy with my life. Cheers, see you later. Current Mood: Very Happy, looking forward to tommorow.

may have a job putting together curcuit boards..... who knows... anything is better than nothing.... a job's a job. wish i'd wasted more time in university tho.. so much more i wanted to learn but of course life got in the way.... maybe i'll have a chance in a few years instead... it's time to be positive and deal with the future instead of going about on should have, could haves, i may not like $t. Ca$herines but i live here... like it or lump it.... hopefully on the upside i'll end up less than unemployed by next week. Current Mood: pensive, like something might happen.

had a really good weekened and had a blast with no problems and an extended visit... been chasing jobs and hanging out with freinds all week. the weather has been nicer. ccatching up with some old freinds too.. will have to go visit windsor soon but am starting to finally adapt to the hands i've been dealt in turns of st. ca$herines. i don't have the like the place but i have to make it work.. hopefully one of these jobs in BF, hammy, or toronto works out and i can afford to move but still stay local so i can take care of parental responisbilites. you know it's nice once in a while to find contentment and positivity in your life... maybe when other people around you realize that too there can be a resolution that isn't having us at each other throats. i'm very high on a fucking cloud right now and that's not a bad thing... i'm learning more every day and starting to change my way of thinking and veiws on people and places. Current mood: A little less ang

it's always good to have things go your way for once, sometimes not even 6 months can break bonds that you have solidified despite other peoples best intentions... when your dreams are justified sometimes you just need that little extra push to see them thru to the end of the day, week, lifetime whatever. Current Mood: floating on a cloud at the top of the world. Current Music: Welcome to the Jungle, Guns and Roses.

... is a very good day.... it's still cold outside but things are looking up.... decisions have been made and hopefully they will be adhered to this.. immaturity is stupid and it's not harming me... someone needs to grow up. hoping that this is a sign of the sun finding it's way out of the darkened clouds i've been under recently.... i'm happy and that's not something i've been for a while... i'll be happier this weekend if things go as planned however, it shouldn't have taken this long. Current Mood: Releaved. Current Music: Estranged, GNR.

fucking tools... all around me... nothing like arguing your case to the most moronic of people... i'm fucking done... if this collapeses around me i'm taking the next jet to vancouver.... and then going to L.A. see you around st. catherines... you may need me but i do not fucking need you. Current Mood: Fuckin Hostile. Current Music: 14 Years, Guns and Roses.

at least it looks nice outside... even if it is cold... i've been hibernating getting things prepared for next week, good excuse to stay home and clean the house. Current Mood: Satisfied.

bored out of my freaking skull and it is damn cold down here... i want to go on vacation to some sunny spot... i'll have to get a warm coffee on my way home... at least i live near at timmies and not a starfucks.... things are good.. i have a few more work refernces than i had yesterdayand some jobs are looking up.. Current Mood: Complacent. Current Music: None.

at least today there's a little bit of light.. there's a job uptown i seriously think i can get if i apply for it... gonna try hard for this one... the days are counting down, strangeways here we come... can't stand this goddamn cold, can't go and do anything i want to do, pain in the ass enough to have a smoke outside. i hate snmow, i hate winter, most of all I hate you. i miss windsor, so much nicer there and all my fucking freinds are there.. here fairweather freinds are only around when you got $$$ when you want to hang otherwise they are nowhere to be scene go figure, glad to hear that you like it here,... i don't. Current Mood: Blank, without meaning or purpose. Current Music: Something in the Way, Nirvana

...and the days are counting down... Current Mood: Determined. Current Music: Woodpeckers From mars, Faith No More.

decisions have been made and adhered to. it's time to cut off contact and let the administration handle things. madmen putting innocents in chains with politick, tock away, let them stew. Current Mood: Apathetic, Current Music: Can I Play with Madness, Iron Maiden.

it's time to withdraw and cut off any and all contact from the outside world... i need to focus inward and forget about the machenenations of men for a while... take care of thyself... i have always felt that being a solitary person in isolation strengthens ones determination... it's time to let momentary distactions and inhumane bullshit be put aside... too many people have delayed my focus as of yet... have to focus on what is truly important and i feel decisions made today will may not be the greatest short term but will pay off in the long term... at least i can be at peace with myself that way.... Current mood: not very fucking happy.

so it's finally over... the Education experiment is over and done with... it's time to move on... i've lost freinds and gained new ones... sometimes the sacrifice of the last few years wasn't worth trying to stay in school... i may not be a 100% success as i had hoped but at least i can walk away without thinking that i did everything wrong... if i hadn't started on the path back then and had the speed bumps i did in the way i wouldn't be the man i am today... and i'd rather be him than anyone else... maybe they're will be a day when all my hopes and dreams are fuffilled but for the moment i am happy with life's little victories... this is the year when all the battles end. happy new year. Current Mood: satisfied.