Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

i am not in a good fucking mood. i just want to take the world and smash it's fucking head in. what can you do when the whole world is agianst you? maybe it's time to give up and stop giving a shit... there's nothing left to look forward to except more infighting... i could fix things easier but the easy way has never been my fucking strong suit...too stubborn i guess... next step whatever...just ride out my life for another month.. another year... whatever... Current Mood: Fucking Pissed.

so much going on.. it's getting confusing... i guess it's better than the staus quo of the last few fucking months of doing absolutley nothing... it can only get better before it get's any fucking worse... things are looking up.. if that is true why am i still fucking miserable? at least i've forcefully laid down some roots here and i have support that i thought nonexsistant.. will have to see what tommorow brings... Current Mood: optimistic. Current Music: Born in the USA, Bruce Springsteen.

spinning my heels agian.. at least things are looking up.. hopefully a major life change is around the corner soon... have to go to windsor monday... i will very happy if things go right this week and next.. looks like we are going to court and war agian tho. i don't know what to think and/or who to trust at the current moment.. the only people i love/trust unconditionally right now is family...and the little one... everyone else probaly has their own fucking agenda and i don't know if i want to deal with them, Current Mood: betrayed.

it's the big fucking 3-0 folks time to enter middle age.. have i mentioned that all my heros are posuers or dead? morrision, joplin, cobain, hendrix and sid vicous i've fucking outlived them all... i have a right to be bitter with the nothinhgness that my life has accomplished... it's 2 am and i'm sitting alone in a cold house house deviod of any fucking emotion... burning red fire in my eyes... when i look at the duplicity of the one i thought i truly loved and her constant barrages of razor sharp knifes in my back.. it confirms something... nothing in this world is ever truly tangible... it all dies... it's just a slow burn some fucking times... happy fucking birthday Nicholas, hope you're next one finds you in better spirits... ....or at the end of a noose. current mood: if i told you i wanted to go to toronto and buy a gun, would you belive me? current music: Coma White, Marilyn Manson

i cannot honestly belive that it's been six years since i met you... i'm fucking cursed... i didn't feel like posting this weekend because i was depressed maybe in a perfect world things are fucking diffrent but here there just a big pile of dogshit.. it's not even worth living in this shithole fucking city.. everything has fucking changed i'm not the person i used to be and neither are you... we are older, angrier and more bitter... it's surprising.. i thought the angry young man i before i met you was the most angry person i had ever been.. now there's anger and also bitterness... it fucking sucks.. you've taken almost all of my drive to suceed away.. now i think i'm just going thru the motions to make sure that what is important to me stays cared for.. the continuing stabbing in the back and mental mingames are to be expected.. it's all you've ever done.. you're quite fucking right... you should have left me on that street corner... w

Hate is a strong fucking word but it all i can feel right now. i'm pretty pissed off... i'm make fucking sacrifices for people and it's not fucking appericated... i love being stabbed in the back constantly by someone i used to fucking love... the games are over.. i am going to take this back to the next fucking level.. this time i'm not gonna hold my toungue... all your dirty fucking secrets and your behaviors are going to come out... i have no reason to protect you or your fucking family anymore... soon you might know what it feels like to constantly have the knife in and out of your back for doing the right thing.... current mood: fucking hostile.