Skip to main content

37....

Another day in which I should be happy but instead I'm mostly miserable, and there is only one fuckin reason for that, I should be In st. catherines right now enjoying my birthday with my son, To me otherwise this is just another fucking day... I've celebrated with friends already... real friends not some of these fair weather friends that haven't even noticed my birthday yet...once you get to a certain age with all the trials and tribulations you cease to give a shit... It's just another day on the calendar without him here... I'm really not excited, I don't give a damn... there's not much I can do in my life that I can control anymore... what I can affect I do, but sometimes i just feel like everything leads me no where and why do I bother trying... there is very little happiness in my life and way too much fucking conflict, ten years ago i was in a great mood and having a fucking blast with my life, what the fucking Hell changed... wait.. don't answer that. Happy Birthday, i guess..I'm just not feeling it yet... there is something missing, today more than ever... 3rd fucking birthday without him... fuck you Bitch.

Current Mood: Sad.
Current Music: Forgot About Dre, Dr. dre and Eminem
There comes a time, thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle, when the gold loses its luster, when the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left is a father's love for his child.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you. 

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Villian

I've never gave a rats ass about being the bad guy. But I have cared about being a fairweather freind and how I reflect on being a role model to my son. I will walk away from any bad actors or bad relationships that endanger the relationship I am slowly attempting to rebuild.  I know I can be a prick. But when you hurt someone I care about, I do not trust you that you may affect those I care about. I burn bridges with gasoline while I'm standing upon them.  It wont be the first multiple decade freindship ive demolished, it won't be the last. Im starting to reevaluate a lot of drinking buddies agian to see who is actually something and who I just party with. If I'm obviously moving in a direction thats going to have me ghosting someone whose been around for a minute, so be it. It wont even be the first one this year. I dont look back. And I dont care, if I exclude you from my life, thats an ending that's where its done.  I am making choices for my future and its pret...