Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

I'd yield me to the devil instantly, Did it not happen that myself am he! - Faust I will always be the bad guy in every situation because that's who I was born to be. I'm more comfortable being the bad guy, the Villian was always cooler anyways. I'd rather be dark, monstrous and demonic in the lives I touch because that way you see my true colours and you see how little you fucking matter at the end, all of you. None of you. Maybe it's time to go back to the darkest places in my soul, where no one matters except me. It's time to stop fucking pretending I have any worth to anyone else. It's clear that I can fade away and be one of the missing for months and for many it would not fucking matter. It's time for me to take care of myself and my mental health. Fuck trying to be there for anyone, because at the end I know exactly where I'll be. Alone. All I am is hard. That's the place this world has made me. I was born a criminal, I'll

You were something special,  a moment in a lifetime of moments, but like every moment in my life, I'll eventually move on from. That's the way my life is... That's the tragedy. That's who I am. I trusted you, and I loved you, and you cut me to the Bone. It's not that I regret anything, because Hell I don't. We were an epic tornado in the heart of the storm... But the cost was far too high for things to have ended up where they are now... I made a choice, that's the only regret.  Otherwise you were fucking great.... You'll always be a happy memory, I'm just working some stuff in my own mind, but it's probably the best that I move the fuck on, as always. My life choices have to be own... Alone. I won't admit to missing you, that's not the type of man I am, but I do wonder what could have been. There is no time for anger, fighting or regret... It's just time to move on. Don't worry I'm used to it. I was wrong tho

This darkness and anger are a part of me. They go hand in hand and are a survival instinct. You wanted darkness, you get the the rage too. They darkest places I've been, the hell and nightmares I've seen... Yeah it's not a fucking act. It's who I am. Damaged, broken and defensive of me and mine. When you're in that bubble you're going to have my protection forever. But if you don't, I don't care... I've lived long enough to no longer give a shit when I'm betrayed, when it's a given it's going to happen in my life, I don't give a damn.  I don't need to dress the part of the darkened demon, I know it's exactly what I am, I just wear the costume in the appropriate weather to let everyone know it's a warning. I am a big scary motherfucker. Hulk just wants to be left alone. If people are afraid and intimidated it works better than being peaceful and looking freindly, when I want to be left the fuck alone. I am look

It's mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack. Not rationality. Anyone that is on the system and claims that they can't do poverty needs to check themselves and their fucking priorities. I have a good life and do well with the challenges I have been given. A lot of that is due to my support Circle and my resolve to fucking get things done. When one attempts to dismantle the relationships with the people I care about, maybe it's a good fucking thing that the relationship ended, because I am starting to see and feel with both eyes open and I know who I am. I know exactly who I am. I'm not changing for anyone. And I'm not changing my circle for anyone else either. Too many sacrifices, nothing ever given back. So you know what? Let's be old bitter and broken. That's where I am right now... But guess what? I'm here on my own two feet, chooser of my next step. Captain of my destiny. Not looking back, not this time. There is a darker angrier place that I a