Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

I’m not waiting.... I enjoy my life, I enjoy my friends. I don’t need you to find happiness. You are just part of the story, a very small part of the story along the way. You are important given the way our lives have gone but I don’t need you to define me or to be happy. I do that for myself. I define myself with actions, not words. I set out to do what I was gonna do this weekend and I did it. I kept my word. You didn’t. That speaks fucking volumes about whose on the level and for who this is just another game. I had fun. I have good and supportive people around me that I enjoy sharing my life. I always have and I always will. I want you to be a part of that, but I don’t think that you truly want it. It’s probably just a game to you. That’s ok. I know how to play mind games too.. but after that text, I didn’t think of you once this weekend... I was too busy enjoying the company of my friends and my alcohol and my mini vacation with people who care about me unconditionally.

  Wherever I am supposed to be in this life, that place is not here. Not for much longer. I am working towards where I should be, but that is a hell of a gamble too. I need to do this for me, not for anyone else... we do have loose ends. I’d rather help my family than be arm candy or support someone else who really at the end of it all doesn’t give a damn about me. You and I may Be complicated. But I can live with that, the question is can you? I think you need to do some soul searching and ask yourself that.  I am at a point in my life where unless I attempt to make a major change I am going to remain status quo for the next few years... I have no fucking clue how comfortable I am with that. I’m not comfortable about being old reliable in a fucking crisis every time tho. I don’t know the future and our past is so fucking muddled none of it makes sense... but I feel like I’m just spinning my fucking wheels and watching shit fall apart while I try to maintain the few things in my li