In my world, there's no games. Just pain. Misery. Agony. Chaos. Voices begging me to stop. But I don't listen.
I am no longer fighting with you. The true battle now is within in my mind. The more you disappoint me the more I want to walk away and stop fighting completely. One day I will stop caring one day I will fade away and I will give no fucks about doing so.
There are things in my life that are more important than wherever the hell you and I are now.
My heart betraying myself over the logic in my head is the only constant battle now.
I fought my war, I fought my battles. And regardless of where and when we stood they were always with you.
I don’t need to fight anymore and I don’t want to. I will walk away and have no regrets. That’s where we send now.
I’m done fighting. For you. Against you. Because of you. It’s all fucking done.
Forever.
I am at peace with myself. That’s the only battle left worth fighting for and most of the time I don’t even care about doing that. No one gets to disturb that but me however.
No matter how much you try.
You’re every action betrays and i can’t and never will trust you agian. Even tho you always come crawling back for forgiveness. That’s granted. But I am not a stupid man nor am I blind. I know what the score is and I watch you’re behaviour carefully.
I let you destroy my life and relationships way too many times. And now when you’re at the end of the road you expect me to catch you when you fall only
To disregard me as soon as something shiny appears.
That’s going to be a hard fucking landing one day....
And it won’t be my problem.
My battles are Over. Even the one for you. You’ve made it clear that it’s not wanted. So I’m done trying.
I may miss you. I will always miss you and the promise you took away.
But I value myself and my sanity more.
And I have real battles to fight for others that mean More in the present of my life.
You may be the constant but at the moment you are not the fucking priority. Someone else is.
Unlike you I haven’t forgot the meaning of family and I don’t use the word as a crutch when I need it. You may be my family, good or bad. But you’re not the only one that is.
And that’s what I’m dealing with right now.
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