Mercenary Attitude IX

Lets burn some fucking bridges, I’m sick of everyone that thinks they are supposedly my friend that only has a use for me for their own agenda. This weekend will tell exactly what happens next with everything but I’m pretty sure that with my responsibilities and concerns that I can continue to do my own thing and be just as happy, probably happier not bothering to do anything with these associated losers from Hamilton. I left this city once, I have no problem from disassociating from other social circles here. Same as leaving the drama associating with people that seem to love it.

I walked away from the con circuit once before and now that it is becoming mixed with other local drama that I don’t give give a damn about. I’ll gladly walk the fuck away again. I don’t need other people. I’ll just do whatever the fuck is needed to do in my life. I don’t need this and my interest in the whole scene is waning anyways.

This cosplay crap stopped being fun as soon as it started. So I’m done. I need peace in my life not lame ass drama from insignificant people that aren’t even in the orbit of my life. Anyone that wants to play games? Yeah. Doors that way. I will protect the peace in my personal life by any means necessary.

Part of the reason I have always had a mercenary’s attitude about anything I’ve done in this life is because at the end of the fucking day it’s to protect myself. And needing anyone out there is simply too much of a liability. There are those I care about sure. But to involve myself with these losers, that was a ducking tactical mistake. I was fine doing my own thing alone. I don’t need anyone, and anything.

When something takes the joy out of my little Escapes in this world, I’ll simply pretend they don’t exist. Period.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog