Happy New years: 2009 a better year?

good riddance to one of the stuopidest years in recent memory, at least i have had the last week and my son to buffer out all the negative energy and stupidity that was around me, it was kind of cool to just sit at home and play with toys and watch the same Thomas movie over and over and over and over and over agian for new years day. we ordered pizza that night and we were happy and then the next day we went to see his cousins in the east end and he got all wore out which was perfect for mommy the next day.. sometimes it's easier to ride out the bullshit and wait until you can actually deal with and do something about it rather than trying to save the world all on your lonesome when it's a holiday, people are cruel and do things in cruel fashion to make points and usually someones got to be the example to make the other idiots fall back into line... i am aware of the reason and why and when it was done but it doesn't make it any more legal or fair... of course i'm still happy, one of my freinds brought over some canadian last night to celebrate my first saturday off in 6 months so i was happy last night.

I will tell you this tho.. Job or Job after this week with my son... I will never ever make a xsacrifice agian to give up weekends with him... i have a reliable babysitter for any shift i can work on the weekends but it's ridiculous to have him go without me except for small thursday night visits for months at a time, he needs me and he loves me and that was evident this week.. he was totally being daddys little boy this week.

Current Mood: is it possible to be happy and depressed at the same time?

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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