Death Of Cybertron.

As far as I'm concerened as soon as one of my good freinds i paid back everything that I owe him from stock, I am done with the TOY show thing permanently...there isn't a major show till january and anything of major importance that needs to take up my fucking time is isn't until may, this is becoming a drain instead of anything fun or anything worthwhile, it costs more, and this is yet another major show where I didn't get paid.. however thanks to another freind being true to his word and two of the gentlemen pictured aboved, i did well enough that being paid was a moot point, still it doesn't matter... i have other options, responsibilties and priorities, this thing did what it was meant to, and i only stayed on this long to deal with the fact that i was owed a lot of things post tf con. I'm doing sacrificing for other people who's intrest's and agenda's arent mine.. I take care of myself, I can help you i am grateful to, but i need to mercanary and cynical... i have to make me and the child that i love more than this universe it'self the priority, that goes for everyone in my life.. stand with me or agianst me, or get the fuck out of the way... i have dealt with for the moment everyhting i need to and on one hand i am just waiting.. tick tock for a decision that will start the road back to my normal life.. on the other hand, I'm waiting for you to be predictable... as of today in term's of my responsibilty, i have done what has been asked of me. it's on you, but you're frucking predictable... this is going to fun few months of chess.... please do what everyone expects you to... you're recent actions have already betrayed you... just add fuel to the fire... thanks.

Current Mood: Tired.
The only thing the matters is the mission...Batman.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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