Skip to main content

Remember....

They offered you a choice between the death of your principles and the death of your body. You said you'd rather die. You faced the fear of your own death, and you were calm and still.

I don't know whats worse, the fact that I am trying and failing to make sense of all of this or that the fact of the matter that i was more comfortable when i was fighting the goverment instead of just her? I am trying and failing to return to my old life and remebering who i used to be because all that seems to be left is the mask Of anger and vengeance that i wore and am still wearing to fight and protect that which is of upmost importance to me. There is nothing left except that, and the fact that I am slowly returning to old habits and trying to become the man i used to be before I was destroyed is proving more difficult than i ever thought it would be, No i was not expecting a happily ever after scenario before when the end of one battle came but I was expecting more... Not to be alone and still fighting and starving for every scrap of meat i can find... I have to go back to the person I was before and I don't think that will ever happen, I was scarred then to, but i had hope and faith in the human condition, now those feelings for the system are replaced by the hatred and the anger that was always there, but now bubbled to the surface with blistering heat... I don't know if i can bury it agian and be anywhere close to the person i used to be, I don't know if i want to be that person ever agian anyways...

Current Mood: Lost.
The ending is nearer than you think, and it is already written. All that we have left to choose is the correct moment to begin.

Comments

Anonymous said…
"Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole. I thank whatever gods may be, for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how straight the get, how charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. "

You'll find your way again.
11:51 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more