This Holiday more than any other is always the darkest for me... there are gifts here from an Easter 4 years ago... it has been four of these goddamn stupid hallmark holidays that I always somehow made special for him anyways.. Almost 4 years in a few weeks.... There are still gifts here from every one of those years that has been missed but I don't know If i have the strength to keep fightinginto a fifth easter.. Four years it has been a very long time... I love my boy and wish him a happy easter regardless of everything but it's really hard to be so damn sad. this has to end soon and I hope it does but it is sad that the system are a money making machine that has no accountabilty for it's timetable or the fact that an innocent man has been torn away from his little boy for so long... And it's Not about me, it's never been about me, it's not my little soul that hangs in the balance, it's My son who has to grow up without his father... as hard as i try i will never be able to recover this lost time and the years of his childhood she's taken away from me. that's on her. But i can be angry and Depressed today, I don't forget that this weekend is a time of darkness and rebirth regardless of my beliefs and one day i will make easter weekend special for him agian.... it just sucks that it's not going to be this year.
Current Mood: Angry, Depressed.
A boy is a magical creature - you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can't lock him out of your heart.
No love is greater than that of a father for His son.
The son needs the father to have access to his source, and the father needs the son to have access to the future and the infinite.
You become a man when, in having children, you not only physically look after and protect them but also protect them with all the love and learning you have to give.
He promised us that everything would be OK. I was a child, but I knew that everything would not be OK. That did not make my father a liar. It made him my father
Good parents use the mistakes they did in the past when they were young to advice the children God gave to them to prevent them from repeating those mistakes again. However, bad parents always want to be seen as right and appear "angelic and saintly" as if they never had horrible youth days.
Perhaps someday, when you are a Mother, Princess, you will understand how empty is your heart if your child is a hollow toy that you can move where you will him to be
Happy Easter Joshua. I miss You, as Always. Love, Your Dad.
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