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.....Till All Are Gone! IX: The Albatross

To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles

Today is a clusterfuck of epic proportions and it's time i took a step back and wondered to myself what the hell I ever thought about this stupid toy thing when i find myself jumping thru hoops to possibly take a fucking chance that i will make money because there is a good chance this could all end up an expensive clusterfuck. I'm sick and tired of the politics and the games behind all of this stupid plastic shit and if i don't see if fucking gone this weekend by the summer one way or another it will be all fucking gone... I'm so frustrated by all this shit and when i book a fucking truck in the early parts of the month i shouldn't come down two or three days before and find out that oops we forgot to do the fucking booking esp. when i have fucking cash in hand. it is fucking sad that at this point i have few choices, I can keep that locker going forever and look back on all the junk i own only about one third of it will ever be interesting to my son and other family members and it can continue to be a money drain, I can see what i can move in the near future and then walk away completely... I understand why my former business partner probably did, it's just not worth it anymore... what the hell did i gain from it... a lot of personal things stolen and gone and sold so i could this thing going, when the original signs were on the wall over a year and half ago i should have walked away, now i fucking feel locked and imprisoned by it and it doesn't help that i have been starving and scrimping and then this weekend turns into a clusterfuck because of someone Else's poor planning. this toy thing has felt like a prison for a long time and the only thing i have truly gained from it is the money to take care of my legal bills and take care of myself... what will i truly have when this is at it's end game? a few nice pieces from Japan, a Devastator 80's toy from a valued friend, a few good friends I trust, and a bunch of Junk. the One thing this whole shebang has done for me is to pay legal bills so i can continue to fight the battles I need to fight, the only good fucking thing that has been constant, My son may no longer be at the age that he can enjoy all this shit but he will know that for two years daddy had an awesome job and had some pretty incredible shit and basically ran a toy store and some will be kept for him to choose from, not just him but other family and friends.. it was fucking fun for a while... it did the job it needed to do, but there comes a time for everything to end and it is ending.. and it is up to me to choose when, how and why It does, I'm just fucking fed up and should have fucking walked away a long time ago... it has become the albatross around my neck.

Current Mood: Frustrated
Current Music: Iron Maiden - The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Your world is not crumbling it's only changing . Your behaviour through these changes will be what controls the outcomes.

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