Till All Are Gone XI: One Shall Fall.

I've always thought of myself as a monster and acted accordingly.

This drawing to a close on this toy bullshit and While it has been a worthwhile endeavor it has also stripped the bones from my back. it has been fun but it has also been a huge pain in the ass full of politics, bullshit and thieves... there are ten days till this thing either pays off or falls flat on my face, a calculated risk I am more than willing to take.. but the plan is to end where I began with nothing... i don't want to continue paying for a locker that I don't care about, I am just waiting for the albatross to leave my neck, I don't harbor any regrets as It has provided for the last few years but there is a time and a place for it to end and the fact is, it's not a core or defining part of me.. it was just an interesting experience.. the decisions I have to make at this point is what I want to have and what I want to keep. I am seriously considering liquidating everything and only keeping a select few items... I have ten days, it's time for me to build towards finishing this game and having a profit for the first time In over three years, While I am glad i didn't walk away from the clusterfuck that was last year, this year there is one left past this and that's only If i don't completely clear all the important crap that's left behind.. i have real things in this life to focus on, and it's time to start doing that. I don't want to do the preparation and all the work involved in the next week and i expect to spend most of the next week just putting stuff in boxes and getting ready to close this chapter in my life.. for good.

Current Mood: Depressed.

I'd rather you all hate me for everything I am than love me for something I'm not.

Good conquers evil — It just takes a lifetime to see the final score.

I realise now that it will take time. That the road is long and shrouded in darkness. It is a road that will not always take me where I wish to go. But I will travel down it, nonetheless.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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