Whenever it gets too dark, think of the good things you have, the good times you've had. It will help. I promise.
Another fucking day where I cannot wait for the Monolith of plastic garbage to go away, it's going to be nice after next weekend to likely say goodbye to this shit, but it is also frustrating that another year has ticked by in which while there have been changes in my life both positive and negative the thing i have to hold onto is a bunch of plastic shit that my son will likely never see except for what I keep for him, I'm frustrated, this shouldn't be my income and I am getting ready for it to go back to what it should have been originally, a hobby a handful of nice things for me and my little boy... Only thing is he's not so little anymore.. More on that battle later.. but the battle inside my head over whether or not this toy gig is a worthwhile endevor and how long i should fucking continue with the damn thing? yeah that Saga's over today, there will be an ending both to this and to every thing else, it's kinda nice both are happening likely at the same fucking time. but i cannot sit here and pretend like i care about this stupid transformer's and toy shit anymore.. it's frustrating, for three plus damn years i have done all the work and only now at the fucking end will reap any true benefits.. (I Hope.) i fucking hate the fact that it's been a constant money pit and that it has always been stressful and complicated... there are people I've met from it that are worthwhile and solid but the flip side of that is that there has always been a lot of fucking douches too, either way, time to be done, time to go back to a real job, time to fight a real battle instead of spending all my energies on the stupid toy crap. It was interesting, this weekend will be interesting, But I'm fucking done. it's time to have my glass shelf's up with my masterpeices and a few select Takara item's, Ie whatever I can't fucking sell, and be done with it.
Current Mood: Determined, Hot, Sweaty, Tired.
Life isn't simple. There is such a thing as black and white. Right and wrong. But when you're in the thick of things, sometimes it's hard for us to tell. You didn't do what you did for your own benefit. You did it so that you could protect others. That doesn't make it right - but it doesn't make you a monster, either. You still have free will. You still get to choose what you will do and what you will be and what you will become.
Life is full of toil, sacrifice, and pain, and from the time we stop growing, we know that we've begun dying. We watch helplessly as year by year, our bodies age and fail, while our survival instincts compel us to keep on going-which means living with the terrifying knowledge that ultimately death is inescapable.
Sometimes I think that's where most of us are. Fighting off the crazy as best we can. Trying to become something better than we were. It's that second bit that's important.
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