The reality is that there is no more finances to fight this battle and any options I have left in the Absense of a good job in my feild is that I don't have it. I'll fight as much as can and hard as I can, but given my means the last half decade, I've pulled miracles out of my ass. I don't have anymore blood to pull from this stone, there's nothing left... It lasted as long as it could but she has made the war last longer, as usual the only way things end, is when I have nothing left and I've sacrificed everything agian. Over and over agian. The story of our lives. Your choices, my responsibility. I have lost faith in those around me and I have no illusions that this battle will ever fucking end. As long as I am going to be financially responsible for everything it's just another weapon in her reign of fucking terror and possibly just another way to stall this thing from ending. I don't know what the next step is, and currently I'm confused as to the current step. One foot in the past and the other in the grave, how the hell are we moving forward when I don't even know what the game plan is. I don't know why or what to bother with anymore, when people I trust are not even reliable anymore, what's the point, we've kept them on standby for so fucking long, apathy is expected. This thing doesn't end. All I know for sure is that there are agendas at play that are not mine. That much has been made clear recently. I honestly do not know what the next steps in my life are going to be, and that applies to everyone in it, I've sacrificed everything and it seems like it's all for fucking naught, the more distant I grow from people the easier it is going to be to eventually drift away, I've done it before, I won't have a problem doing it again, there is nothing left but the fight and the battle and I am fucking fooling myself if I consider anything else otherwise. That much is clear, I can't keep chasing dreams anymore when I'm living in a never ending fuckin nightmare. I'm fucking done with these political playing people who play games and word play and no actual issues are addressed. That's how those fuckers work however, but I work in the exact same way, I know how to fucking play chess too. Lying by omission rings in my head right about now when I have a fucking document proving the same from you assholes. You people wanted a war from me, you got it, this will not end and I will not care. It's not about money, it's not about fighting, but it has to be fought, this war has to be waged, I should not and will not live with this albatross, this curse around my neck for the rest of my life. I'll fight with every fibre of my being if I have to, I've got nothing else left, there is no blood left in this stone, but this rock can break bone. There will be no backing down and there will be a reckoning. I shouldn't have to continue to question myself and every decision that I make, if this is where my life stands then what the hell am I fucking doing here? There are things important in my life but I am fucking standing still. It's not somewhere I stand for long, It's not about the never ending battle, it's about the people we are, the people we were, the person you and the system have made me, there is no backing down and there is no question of me ever backing down, when a man has nothing, he has nothing to lose. That's where we are now, that's what makes me dangerous.
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