Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

You will manage to keep a woman in love with you, only for as long as you can keep her in love with the person she becomes when she is with you I had no desire to tell anyone I was in love. I knew and that was all that mattered. I had a theory that sharing would somehow take away the love and give it to everyone else. And I wanted it. All to myself. Never fall in love with someone that won't fight for you because when the real battles begin they won't pull your heart to safety, but they will their own. We had a great time this weekend and mostly everything went the way it was supposed to. i have never been more happy with the person i am with and i completely and totally am in love and want to make some moves and changes in my life.. everything is a forward moving direction at this point in my life. there are issues and the fun is over and It's time to fight another battle but in the grand scope of things this battle is nothing.. I'll do it for her easily.. but

There are people out there who think I'm a monster. That I feed on the blood and the violence. They have it half right. I am a monster... but I don't feel a thing. It's my job. The role I've been given. The boogeyman. You do not fuck with me or the ones I love. I don't have much left but what i do have i will fight to protect and I will see things thru. there is nothing anyone can do to destroy me anymore so i don't mind being the fall guy if things go south... it's on me. I'm sick of the world we live in where one person can use words against another and destroy a person.. it's ridiculous that i have to deal with it.. when it is someone i care about.. I will go to the ends of the earth to deal with and protect them as much as i can. I don't mind being the villain and the bad guy. it's what I'm fucking good at i might as well fucking embrace everything that i fucking am. But don't get in my way if you hurt someone i care about. y

How everything you ever love will reject you or die. Everything you ever create will be thrown away. Everything you're proud of will end up as trash. I am Ozymandias, king of kings. It figures, the system is still broken and so much as i have chosen to walk away from my own personal battles i still find myself in dealing with this so called counselling.. which in reality is just another layer of pyschobabble that will accomplish nothing important, merely placate the powers that be that I'm less of threat than I used to be... First off wrong.. you can strip everything from me, My heart, my soul, my reasons for being... i'm still going to have my mind... as long as I have that i'm fucking dangerous... you can't ever strip that completely away from me no matter how much damage is inflicted on my Psyche. I'm just not dangerous in the way that you expect me to be.. i may have been silenced but my mind is still there with clarity and i still have goals and plans

Own that shit. Own it! What do you think was going to happen? Huh?... What, you were just thinking you can have a happy family and coach little leagues, and make car payments? Normal is a setting on the dryer. People like us, we don’t get normal! When there is evil in this world that justice cannot defeat, would you taint your hands with evil to defeat evil? Or would you remain steadfast and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil? I'm Frustrated, I can do amazing things with or without anyone by my fucking side and I still feel fucking empty 90% of the fucking time. It's getting really obvious that my time here is ending as soon as i can find a way to get all the medical shit I need done dealt with. It has nothing to do with my living situation and everything to do with my mental state and the ghosts of my past.... Nothing is ever going to be over as long as I fucking live here... So one of these days I'm Simply no longer going to live here... there is nothing