Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. I have stopped caring... All the good things in me, the good and true things that make me whole are disappearing... i reach out for help from the medical establishment and all i get are fucking brick walls and the same old nonsense of whatever, let things remain status quo because they can't be bothered with a fucking insect to help, i don't have a drug addiction and i'm not just off the fucking boat so i must not be fucking in need of help... so things will remain exactly as they are... whats the fucking point of reaching out for the help i needed 30 years ago if all i am gonna fucking get is a brick wall.. these assholes in the system raised me and now don't even acknowledge the facts of my life.. and they wonder why i stepped the fuck

The Edge... There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. I have No patience for the system and it's pathetic that when i supposedly need help it's rejected but when i reach out it's not there for me...I'm used to it tho.. i have spent my entire fucking life dealing with a mental health system that i have chosen to fucking reject over and over again because it's easier for me to just be trapped inside my own mind, of course when i am trying to take the appropriate steps to deal with the monsters and demons inside my head and external, i get brick fucking walls in my face. that's why i live and enjoy my life like there is no tomorrow, because i know that eventually it will fucking end. I have no fucking Illusions as to that fact.. I'm running headlong on a Road the leads Nowhere... the longer i stay in this fucking city dealing with the same people, the longer that's an inevitab

I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you. In this moment i know that everything is exactly the way they are supposed to be, and my future is exactly what i want to be.. I am in love with the most wonderful person in the world.. and as for the world none of it fucking matters when I'm with her...I can see forever in your eyes, not just the future and the fact that you are the purest thing i've ever known in my life and it's taken the slow path to get us here because of the responsibilities and drama in my life makes this victory even sweeter... You're not something I'm never willing to give up... ever. Current Mood:Happy. Current Music: Metallica, Blackened. Only love of a good woman will make a man question every choice, every action. Only lo

I’m like a dog chasing cars, I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught one, you know, I just do…things. I'm not sure the next step in my life... but i do know it's a new fucking year and some things are becoming apparent...first.. I do not look back ever... my past is my past and there is a lot of pain there but i don't fucking live there anymore nor do i intend to at any other point in my life.. theres no fucking point to dwell on fucking history.. I am moving forward with myself and those that choose to be around me hell or fucking highwater.. you dont want to be in my life, Don't be problem fucking solved. that was evident over the holidays and some of the ones that reopened that always open wound didn't even realize, it was just me being me miserable and myself...fucking newsflash, i had a blast and wasn't happy or miserable.. I do things.. I do them with or without people in my life... Christmas dinner was fucking fun, the speed metal concert was even more f