Skip to main content

Road to Nowhere.

The Edge... There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

I have No patience for the system and it's pathetic that when i supposedly need help it's rejected but when i reach out it's not there for me...I'm used to it tho.. i have spent my entire fucking life dealing with a mental health system that i have chosen to fucking reject over and over again because it's easier for me to just be trapped inside my own mind, of course when i am trying to take the appropriate steps to deal with the monsters and demons inside my head and external, i get brick fucking walls in my face. that's why i live and enjoy my life like there is no tomorrow, because i know that eventually it will fucking end. I have no fucking Illusions as to that fact.. I'm running headlong on a Road the leads Nowhere... the longer i stay in this fucking city dealing with the same people, the longer that's an inevitability... i have options, I am pretty fucking sure I know the next one.. but i hold no illusions, My reality here drags me down and it seems like I'm going to need a major fucking incident to be taken seriously... the saddest fucking part is that I no longer care what happens to me, just how it affects those that I fucking love and hold dear...

... and that list.... is dwindling.

Current Mood: Angry, Depressed, Sad.

I mean, maybe I am crazy. I mean maybe. But if this is all there is, then I don't want to be sane.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more