Pretend We’re Dead.

There was always something wrong with me. I accept that now.

But the difference between me and you is that I admit that I’m a monster and no it wasn’t you that made me. You just perfected me and took away any soul that I had left at the time.

You aren’t the only one in my life I am dead to. And not the only one that pretends I’m dead. That being said, I don’t need anyone in my life or out of its justification to have anything in my fucking life.

I have walked away from everyone on my life before and there are times that I regret. Not continuing down my own road. My life

Might have been different.

It also may have been disaster and ruin, but I’ve done a great job of that anyways.

Truth be told I don’t give a shit anymore to be anything to anyone. I have my own responsibilities and my own problems and right now I’m standing still for someone I love rather than moving on,

And away. This is the last moment I allow status quo to rule my life.

At this point in my life I only have time for the ones that we’re in my life when I needed them and were still there. And the ones that need me now.

My responsibilities that’s it. I don’t know how much time any of us have left. But there is definitely no fucking time for anyone whose not got the time for

Me or worse.

If you have anger or fear for me? It’s better I stay fucking forgotten. I mean it’s not like I have ever had a problem with disappearing from

Peoples lives.

I know I’m not fucking important in the scheme of things. I never have been.

There are very few people in my life that have made me feel otherwise. And that’s why right now, my main goal In life is taking care of one of those few that have made feel valued so he has a more comfortable and productive life.

The rest of you that never had my back? Fuck right off. You know who you are.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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