Pretend We’re Dead.

There was always something wrong with me. I accept that now.

But the difference between me and you is that I admit that I’m a monster and no it wasn’t you that made me. You just perfected me and took away any soul that I had left at the time.

You aren’t the only one in my life I am dead to. And not the only one that pretends I’m dead. That being said, I don’t need anyone in my life or out of its justification to have anything in my fucking life.

I have walked away from everyone on my life before and there are times that I regret. Not continuing down my own road. My life

Might have been different.

It also may have been disaster and ruin, but I’ve done a great job of that anyways.

Truth be told I don’t give a shit anymore to be anything to anyone. I have my own responsibilities and my own problems and right now I’m standing still for someone I love rather than moving on,

And away. This is the last moment I allow status quo to rule my life.

At this point in my life I only have time for the ones that we’re in my life when I needed them and were still there. And the ones that need me now.

My responsibilities that’s it. I don’t know how much time any of us have left. But there is definitely no fucking time for anyone whose not got the time for

Me or worse.

If you have anger or fear for me? It’s better I stay fucking forgotten. I mean it’s not like I have ever had a problem with disappearing from

Peoples lives.

I know I’m not fucking important in the scheme of things. I never have been.

There are very few people in my life that have made me feel otherwise. And that’s why right now, my main goal In life is taking care of one of those few that have made feel valued so he has a more comfortable and productive life.

The rest of you that never had my back? Fuck right off. You know who you are.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

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