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S.C.A.R.S.

 


You want revenge? Murder, death, sabatoge? That's easy. You want real revenge, become a better person, do more with your life,  do more than they ever could.  That's revenge.


It’s been twelve years since you destroyed my heart, my career and everything that was important in my life. I can never forget that. Even if I have forgiven you, I have not forgotten that you have run interference in every aspect of my life over the last 23 years. The problem is I have never understood why? We broke, we drifted apart and never looked back and I accepted responsibility. But that was never good enough for you. I must have broken you’re heart in a past life or something because you have made this one hell.


The problem is, I’m at peace and I’m happy place now and you need me as a player in you’re circus atmosphere of you’re life more than I will ever need you. You are a good teacher. You taught me what it was it was like to be strong on my own, alone. Multiple times.  A lesson you have never and never could learn. You make it all about you, but you could never be as a strong as I was alone. You may have left a path of ruin in all our lives by design. But you didn’t destroy me. Not once.


When this started I was getting an education, you destroyed that because being a good father was more important than a goddamn degree. 


Mistakes were made and I don’t know if you have ever truly forgiven me for that, but we were children in the grand scheme of things then. And it was the wrong decision.


But you’re actions to destroy my relationship with my son, and my career and even my very freedom twelve years ago. That’s all on you. It was never about me and Joshua. It was only about me and you. It’s only ever been about me and you and you’re selfish wants and you’re fairy tale delusional life, I only fit in when you want me to. Otherwise I’m a mythic figure or you’re greatest enemy in you’re sad pathetic life depending on your mood that particular day.


Just because I’ll always be here doesn’t mean I’ll always fucking like it. In fact I don’t. And forgiving you only to be continually betrayed even after that fact has been the hardest albatross I’ve ever had to bear.


But it’s not about me, it’s not about him, it’s always been about one person and that’s not me.


But I learned long before we were together to dance among the flames while I burned. You couldn’t destroy me. I turned shit into diamonds long before you were a part of my life and I will always come back from the darkness no matter what happens. 


I am happy in my place in life and at peace with my responsibilities both those I am allowed to have and those I have always been denied a chance to fuffill. 


I’ll always be here for you and him, even thru gritted teeth on a day I’m hurting more than most.


That’s on you.



Current Mood: Depressed.


Current Music: facade, disturbed.

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