Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Posts

Doctor Stein.

I have enough two faced people in my personal Life. This costume shit or not I don’t need any more. I walked away from conventions with money on the fucking table with my store. I have no problem doing so with something I do for free. It’s fun but it doesn’t define me. Esp when I’m being used by someone who is attacking things I hold dear and attacking my personal beliefs. I don’t do toxic and negative people. It’s time to be out. I treasure my mental health more than my multiple hobbies and this is one I no longer I need anymore. I have enough selfish self absorbed people I have to deal with in my real life on a regular basis. I don’t need plastic fucking con people people putting me on as well. And trust me i can read you fuckers like a phone book. You’re really easy to tell how fake you are. And the lot of you are fake with no soul or emotion. Everything I do is with soul and emotion. Sometimes even Love. One thing I don’t tolerate is hate and racism from anyone. And when...

If Darkness Had A Son.

I am that child. I am the biological son of darkness. I’m not sad he’s dead and gone. But the sons of the father should never have been bestowed on the son and I’ll be dammed if my son is painted with the same brush from a betrayer in his own maternal side of the family. I don’t mind going down. It’s part of my life. I fall, I rise I rebuild. I’m a fucking Phoenix, just ask my patronus. But he deserved better. He deserves better. I’ll spend the rest of my life playing this game with his mother if I have to do one day he has better. But I’ll be damned if I let any one esp a family Member demean or destroy him. There are very few things in this world I will fall upon my sword for. Much less multiple times. This is one of them. I don’t mind being destroyed. I always come back better. Harder. You might have destroyed her. I know all of this played a part in destroying me agian and agian. I will not let my darkness and the darkness in that family tree destroy him. I’ll go o...

14 Years.

Forgiven, it doesn’t mean forgotten. Never will mean that. I’m enjoying the silence right now because it means I can live my life and do epic shit. Without the shadow of you in the background. I have had a good life and have had adventures, but all of that has been without my son. And all of that will never be forgotten. That was your choice. Always your selfish decision. Once upon a time I may have needed you in my life, that time is far behind. This year is the breaking point. I think I’ve always known That. I cannot spend the rest of my life missing you and my son. And most days I only miss him, you and I, it’s only tragic circumstances and a trauma bond that has been around since the beginning and a promise I refuse to break as to why I’m still trying. But if you had asked me that fourteen fucking years ago I wouldn’t have cared. I would have still hated you for what you took away and destroyed. This year is the final end game. It has to be. Worst case I walk...

PeaceFeild.

I am a soldier without a war. A warrior without something to fight. I am at peace and I’ve laid my weapons down only as long as those I love are not threatened. But, I may be a man of peace now. And I may be at peace now. But this what I wanted for you when I stopped fighting. You’re lives shouldn’t have been full of the strife that mine seems to always have been full of. I pulled away and stopped fighting to give you a chance when i should have stayed more involved. Welcome to the peace Field. It’s a question. As always of what the fuck happens next. I am a still a weapon, I just need a direction. Point me in the right direction and set Me off. But that not what I want for you and your mother. You deserve the peace I have. So does she. I don’t know if I’m that. But you both deserve better than this. My dark side lays dormant, it’s not dead. But I don’t want it exposed to those that I love. They have experienced too much of it. But my dark side is better because it’s honest ...

Umbra.

A hero will sacrifice the person they love to save the world, but a villain will sacrifice the world to save the person they love. Things haven’t changed. I don’t care if your extended family or not. It doesn’t matter where I stand with her and more importantly him. You attack or cause my family strife, I’m still here in the shadow. And I am still the fucking villain, and I am still the darkness within the fucking shadows. The darkness within me is dormant not dead. And if you hurt one of them, especially my most precious blood, expect me to spill yours. I’ve never faded away permanently, I’ve just tried to be the ghost and the shadow to protect that which I care about most. But if needed the warrior and the demon still lies within. And this demon still has some teeth. Ive been a shadow presence the entire time of my sons life and there are things I need to think about and evaluate very carefully. But if I need to I can be the wrath of god, and I wont come alone. I will alwa...

The New Plague.

I haven’t given up, but there are days that hit harder than most and remind me of who I am and who I was, and why in moments my life changes over and over again. I know that sometimes those changes are bad and sometimes those changes are good. But the decision is always mine on how a man ends whatever moment in his life I am currently at. I’m choosing the moment I’m in right now as I have for the last four years because sometimes something’s gotta be more important than my needs and wants, a hard lesson I learned the hard way multiple times. But it was learned. My life is an improvement because I’m not longer chasing vapours pretending to be something I’m not, or someone I once was that was stripped from me completely because of someone’s petty jealousy. Well watch my life now, the jealousy is deserved. I was always a rock star, now I’m just living like one. But the reality is I come home and all that is stripped from me, I know what my probities and responsibilities are and...