I know how and what I am in this world. Seeing a band I’ve wanted to see for almost 35 years of my life reminded me how much I have not changed from the wild feral child I was when I met you. You met me broken and damaged and I never wanted to change from that. I wish I hadn’t. Being a better man lead to nothing but misery and ruin. I was better off being mean and on the run. Now I’m fucking nostalgic for the bad old days and not the ones where I ran the electric circus that is my life… those days at least I could control. I just know what was good in my life and how little of it we had together. Maybe one day that will change, i highly fucking doubt that possibility, I will never be something you can control, and you don’t even love me anyways, all you love is the idea of me, a very carefully cultivated idea and image of me that you have fooled yourself into being the truth, some days maybe I am him, some days I wish I was something better. Other days I know I’m someone worse. The one
I do what I want these days because there is no one to tell me what to do. I sacrificed long enough in better moments of my life for people that couldn’t give a damn if i drew breath. I remember those wasted years. I am never Fucking looking back. And you know what, I don’t have to. I’m always happy because some days it feels like I’m a prisoner in a box. But those days are fleeting compared to the days where I feel like I have completely the freedom to do anything I want. I have nothing and nobody dragging me down to their level these days trying to keep me from being whatever I want to be in this life… all of that is gone. All hopes dreams and aspirations are destroyed, so I’m just what remains. What remains is having a pretty good life on his terms… that’s all I got left. So that’s how I’ll go out. On my terms.