Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world.  I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works.  You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun. 

The issues at home are still there. I’m trying to fix them but it is burying me under the fucking weight.  I don’t pretend to be a bad boy or a hardass. I have had a difficult life as has those that I care for. Some of that is our own decisions and some of that is a twist of fate. However, I will act to protect the little I own. Primary amongst that is my own mental health. I’m making some new choices so I’m not constantly angry and aggressive towards people and more than that I’m not doing things that cause me physical pain. It’s time for me to change from being nice and polite and happy with the world agian.  I’m at peace. It doesn’t mean I have to be anyones fucking doormat. In fact that is the complete opposite. It’s probably time for me to show some teeth agian and be a mean old miserable person. I mean everyone already thinks I am. Might as well go back to it.  I have my own problems and I don’t need others problems invading them and creating more issues for me. It’...

When I decide to burn a bridge I fucking dynamite it, there is no looking back or forgiveness because when I destroy something it stays destroyed. I don’t just burn the bridge I annihilate it. And i do it with no remorse and no regret. I’m a fucking Phoenix and always have been. I’m an agent of chaos not order and I destroy things it’s in my nature. When I choose to do it deliberately look out. There may be collateral damage, but at this point I don’t care or give a damn. There is already collateral damage on my side. It’s just karma if it affects someone else negatively too. Burn it all down, I’ve always had a scorched earth policy because it’s easy to start over with nothing. Than to use people or even still have them in my life when I don’t like or respect them. Just gone and fire and burn. Napalm destroys everything.  I only like or respect those that are good to me and have proved there loyalty when I have nothing to offer. When i feel used or am being used I will walk the fuc...

I don’t get used, and I don’t like feeling like I’ve been used for doing something I enjoy. This is why it’s done. This is now affecting my health and my actual family. It’s better for me and my mental health to stick to me and my crew with this con bullshit anyways. That’s always the way it worked even back in 13 to 15 before I got fed up and quit the last time. This time I think it’ll eventually be for keeps. I’m done playing politics with peons that have no idea who I am in real life. Fuck off. I don’t need you.  I am completely at peace with this decision and I actually think it’s better for me than anything I have done with thing. It was nice finally do a non toy con in the actual city I was born in and spent my formative adult years in but honestly. One and done. I don’t need this anymore. There are too many emotional vampires involved in it sucking out my positive energy. And I don’t need that.  I won’t be talked down to by anyone least of all someone I consider a starf...

Ever get the feeling your a prisoner of your own creations? I did something to be fun and now it feels like I’m weighted down in the deep end as a result. I’m not drowning for anyone else. I have real problems in my life involving my loved ones. I don’t have time to deal with people who are just adjecent to whatever I’m doing in my life.  It’s time to not be angry, to not let emotions over take. It’s walk away time. Just let bygones be bygones and move on… it’s not the first time, it won’t be the last. 

I've wined and dined with kings and queens and I've slept in alleys and dined on pork and beans. It’s time to be Done. I’m done with drama. I’m done with bullshit. I don’t need anyone in my life using me. Not as an emotional support animal and not as cheap labour because I’m a popular character. It’s just time to be absolutely done with it. I have my hobbies and I have my life. I don’t need anyone being ungrateful and making me Miserable. I have enough of that in my life.  I have good freinds and good family. That’s all I need. I don’t need to be a rock star or a white dwarf starlet. I’m not a starfucker. I never have been. I just dont care. People are people. But if I’m made to feel like less than nothing it’s time to move on, and I feel very low after Working very hard this weekend. Some people are just ungrateful. I have a life and I’m low key windsor, con and toronto hamilton metal and indy scene famous all on my own. I don’t need any one else’s help to be me. I don’t want ...