Skip to main content

Better Man.



Just because I’ll always be there for you doesn’t mean I have to like or enjoy whatever this is. A lot of the times I don’t like it. And I don’t even like you. But I love you both and I have responsibilities to you, and that trumps me being angry or upset with you.  We hurt, we are always going to hurt. 


You are jealous of everything I do. And everything both of us do is just another fucking move on the chess board. Except here’s the problem, I’m the rook and the knight and I move to protect my little king, but you are sitting there on the opposite side of the board waiting for Prince Charming to capture the queen.


Except I’m not wearing a white hat, you’ve made me the villain in your story, so I embrace it and become the villain. I’m always best when I’m wearing the black hat and being the bad guy.


But this isnt about me and you, it never has been, it’s about that little king, all grown up. I have to think about how my actions and behaviours affect him. That’s the priority. So I make my choices based on that. I have to.  I did the right thing, I will always do the right thing by my son. But you have no right to be angry that I have a social life outside of you. You aren’t part of that. You left being an active part of my life 20 years ago. 


I’m allowed to have friend’s. Just because I choose you first doesn’t mean I’m going to give up my support circle and the people I care about that have had my back for decades. 


Stay jealous. 


You always placed me last, until there was no one left, and now you want to fix the damage you created and everything that you took away. It’s been forgiven, does it fucking look like I ever forget anything?


Go find a better man, you’ve been trying to for two decades even though the best choice for you has always been me, but I wasn’t nice and shiny and new enough and I wasn’t part of your world enough to be that guy when i should have been. 


I wasn’t part of your world, that’s why you fell in love with me in the first place. Now you want to be part of my world, I’m not sure there is a place for you here. 


Go find a better man, instead. You wont find one. I’ve always been the better man. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world.  I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works.  You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun. 
Post a Comment
Read more