Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Things are improving slowly... at least i can pay rent, do laundry and afford to eat today... hopefully some money comes thru soon. I am very happy to be starting my real job tommorow, i'm nopt the happiest person in the world but i'm not as depressed and angry as i was the other day... things inprove slowly... i just have to keep looking forward. Hell is worth all that, natural habitat Just a rhyme without a reason Neverending maze, drift on numbered days Now your life is out of season Current Mood: Tired.

So it looks like the union has no teeth and i don't have enough hours for unemployment. that figures.. stupid satanic army protecting their own interests... it's not like i give a shit anyways.. an interesting tidbit is that this happens often with the brantford administration... maybe i should make that come into play with a wrongful dismisall suit... fucking assholes... i may lose my Apartment cuz of a loss of income and i'm supposed to start a new job on sunday.. yeah i'm all smiles right now. figures the only person that looks after me is me..... if i end up homeless i know exactly where i'm going. Current Mood: Depressed, Angry, Hostile and Upset.

The horsemen are drawing nearer On the leather steeds they ride They have come to take your life On through the dead of night With the four horsemen ride Or choose your fate and die Today is A bi-polar day, sometimes things are good and sometimes things are bad, i've sewn up some loose ends in terms of my job but am dealing with goverment politics that may end up with me being homeless agian... how fucking retarded is it when someone gives you all the paperwork to do it, i will be fucking glad to be completely off the goverments tit, i am sick of looking over my shoulder about bullshit that wasn't even my fault and getting some idiot who isn't half as educated as me telling me how and why things should be. if you can't do your job don't try and give me a half ass excuse as to why not. i know how things work and i know how to deal with them. but welcome to bullshit politics in hamilton. Current Mood: Not impressed.

we had a good weekend and he was really happy to be home and he was having little conversations with all his stuffed animals and having snakey beat up daddy... he got a new toy and he thought it was awesome and he had adventures with me in his room, on the couch, everywhere, it was a really good weekend. Current mood: happy, missing him already.

turns out yesterday turned out to be a good day, i am feeling a lot more positive even tho the weather sucks and it's raining... things are improving and maybe this year won't suck so bad. i am just trying to figure everything out but some of the rage is disapating and the anger is no longer there. sometimes good things come to those who wait... you just need a little Patience. Current Mood: Positive.

Welcome to where time stands still No one leaves and no one will Room is full, never seems to change Just labeled mentally deranged Dream the same thing every night I see our freedom in my sight No locked doors, no windows barred No things to make my brain seem scarred seems like the long weekend was just a waste.. i didn't do anything i just sat around at home and watched tv and played smash brothers and madden. four walls and funeral as usual. there's nothing much to do when one is trying to conserve money and try and not be angry at the world. my patenince level is currently at a stand still with people in the universe as i am unsure of the next direction and there is really only one poisitive in my life right now. Current Mood: Waiting for the Weekend.

Let us beg to differ As we set aside our differences And assemble our own army To disarm this Weapon of Mass Destruction That we call our President, for the present And Mosh for the future of our next generation To speak and be heard .... looks like it's time for things to get interesting in terms of my silent war. time for patience is no longer at hand. the fact that games are still being played and the issues that were prevelant are still prevelant are going to be dealt with, i am sick of the games and people covering their own asses. at least today i finally got somewhere. something i should have done a month and a half agi. but now it's being done. too bad i had a misguided sense of loyalty to someone who it is becoming more and more apperent was only covering his own ass and should have made things easy as apperently at this point the one thing that should have been done within days is about the only thing that needs to be done, that's fine... it's time to expose t

Been dazed and confused for so long, it's not true. I wish i had not woken up this morning...one problem somewhat solves itself due to a conversation last night and two more Issues arize... so much for this new job... nothing like my past life coming back to haunt me 13 years later... Honestly isn't always the best social service buissness policy as i'm learning.. waiting to see what happens next with that situation. got some paperwork that probaly fucks me over 6 ways to sunday and the idiots in brantford still haven't paid me correctly.. at least i have some flow but what the fuck do I do when now this makes me worry about having to pay the rent at the end of the month. I have been given serious thought to ending the hamilton Mountain experiment and either leaving for Windsor for a few months or moving back to St.Catherines.. i need a break I am really considering running away to LA or Windsor for a few weeks just to clear the voices in my head.. the only reason i Don

Next mistake...no more mistakes! The patience level is currently at zero... i am not pleased and it is time for some legitamate change with the idiotic assholes from brantford who are making their living on the backs of the poor, downtrodden and mentally ill without providing decent services to anyone, i am getting to a point where i was actually thinking about calling some people about the agency and how it's run esp. with information i know about how both clients and employees are treated. i am as sick of the Inmate running the Asylum mentality there as i was a few months ago but at this point I have some legal leverage and considering the umpeeth fucking time i am getting bullshit from them but with a freindly smile i am thinking it is now time for some more decisive action... i have no more patience for this idiots... i was better off unemployed last summer...i mean i gave up 6 months of weekends with my buitiful baby boy to deal with crackheads and sinners and office bullshit

finally think are turning into a positive and the administrative red tape is becoming less and less bullshit... it's surprising that people back peddal when i start taking things into the legal realms by documenting things and start making phone calls to cover my ass... it's too bad this could not have been done a month ago when i first got confirmation, but of course thats the speed of democracy. ( read: administration .) Current Mood: Hoping for Tommorow.

,,is currently a state of mind... if i can't control what is happening and feel like going postal on everyone it is not healthy for anyone around me, it is the dead of winter and i am starting to look inward and thaey aren't always the nicest thoughts... i am trying to keep myself motivated but when i keep encoutering brick walls i start thinking in more darker veins. Current Mood: Frustration and Anger.

i am slowly trying to maintian a balance between the positivity and the negativity that currently embrace my life... i am sick of trying to deal with beuacratic nightmares when i am trying to be positive and make a diffrence in mine as well as other's lifes... i don't need early morning bullshit when you don't have any better of an answer than the one i have already provided, things need to be done and now. i'd like to be employed and being a positive member of society not a drain on society, i just spent six fucking months dealing with the dregs of society in a job i only took to provide for my family. i am losing patience with the goverment and with everyone around me. i feel i am in a hole i can no longer dig myself out of and i don't know what to do... but fuck... i'm trying to find a way out of it. it's probaly both cathatric and healthy/unhealthy for me but i'm writing poetry and angered emotions in my little black book agian, some of it is positiv

Aggravation \Ag`gra*va"tion\, n. [LL. aggravatio: cf. F. aggravation.] 1. The act of aggravating, or making worse; -- used of evils, natural or moral; the act of increasing in severity or heinousness; something additional to a crime or wrong and enhancing its guilt or injurious consequences. today has not been a good day... even when i try to aceuate the positives i get shit shoveled right into my mouth... nothing like sitting in a godddamn medical clinic when i have a dislike and fear of doctors to get told as soon as i see the fucking bitch doctor i'm going to need a hundred dollars to this even tho the fucking recptionist said it would be 15.. between the fucking retards at the salvation army and the idiots working for the goverment that are fucking me over in red tape regulations and taking there time dotting their t's and crossi8ng their mother fucking I's.. i am starting to lose it... i thought i hasd fucking patince early.. i am fucking p

Patience (ˈpā-shənz) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. ..is unfourtunatly not something i am full of right now... kraft dinner meals and worrying about how i am going to take care of my child and worring about losing my job becuase of some former assbag that can't get his paperwork together is not improving my dour and dark outlook on light... i try and hold onto the positives but some people just really piss me off. i am sick and tired of the bullshit that is following me from a former position becuase of their inspired laziness and corruption and bullshit. Current Mood: Not Impressed.

Things are finally improving. having a positive attitude is always a good thing... having an outlet to express emotions is also a good thing. the fact that things happen slowly but they do happen is a positive. it's also pretty cool that my son knows who the blue beetle is... he calls him B. Beetle. i am really happy, for the first time in my life i really think i am where i am meant to be employment wise and i will make a diffrence... i think i did in a little over 3 hours yesterday. Current mood: Happiness.