Frustration Station.

i am slowly trying to maintian a balance between the positivity and the negativity that currently embrace my life... i am sick of trying to deal with beuacratic nightmares when i am trying to be positive and make a diffrence in mine as well as other's lifes... i don't need early morning bullshit when you don't have any better of an answer than the one i have already provided, things need to be done and now. i'd like to be employed and being a positive member of society not a drain on society, i just spent six fucking months dealing with the dregs of society in a job i only took to provide for my family. i am losing patience with the goverment and with everyone around me. i feel i am in a hole i can no longer dig myself out of and i don't know what to do... but fuck... i'm trying to find a way out of it.

it's probaly both cathatric and healthy/unhealthy for me but i'm writing poetry and angered emotions in my little black book agian, some of it is positive but not all of it is... it is a release of emotions and i am suddenly more and more aware of that fact and more cogniscant of it.

Current Mood: frustrated but hopeful.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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