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Serpent's Kiss.



I pass in and out of peoples lives. sometimes i wonder why they come back. sometimes i wonder if the issue is me. i do grand things and i back up my plans and words and maybe sometimes thats too much for some. but all i have ever asked from those that i love is honesty. i don't care if things fall apart. all i need is the truth. 


I'm getting to the point i don't trust fucking anyone. and being betrayed by those that are at best fairweather fucking friends when im not exactly finacally fucking stable.  there are reasons i keep my circle small and those i truly trust even closer. it takes a lot to be a part of my life and and i am seriously considering withdrawing from some of my social activities again because it seems like the last couple years they just turn to shit and all i am doing is losing money.


i have stopped caring about a lot of people in the past and it can be real fuckin easy for me to walk away from agian. id rather work on the relationships both old and new that are important to me than deal with con "freinds". i stepped away from that world once because i felt used by the politics and bullshit and that was back when i actually cared about them because i was making money. now they are a money pit that are often not worth bothering with.


I like doing these things because someone i care about likes to go to them. but i dont need anyones drama or politics in my life. i will walk away from anyone or anything that disturbs my peace. im sick of the last few months just being a deeper and deeper hole.


i like doing these things because someone i care about likes to do these things and with his limitations meeting celebrities snd hanging out at cons is one of the few things he can still do. But i don't need to do them. and i do epic things on my own, i don't need anyone by my side that doesn't want to be there. i have my own mental health struggles and drama too. 


i just don't sugar coat things. i either Do, or I do not. i choose what i do in this life and with who. Im forgiving but you can be by my side or not at all. and there are some that will have to prove themselves all over agian before i will ever let them be in my inner circle. I don't withdraw because  I'm afraid of you or anyone in my life. i withdraw because I'm afraid of me. the temper and anger is buried because I'm trying to be a better more forgiving person with less conflict in my life, but thats for my personal peace and my mental health. i cant be angry and fighting  the world for the rest of my life. 


but that person, that monster is always buried deep within. and He hasn't forgotten who he is or where he came

from. just because i look like the professor i should have been in a past life doesn't mean its anything more than an illusion.  i wasn't given a choice. i am a fighter and a soldier and thats all i have ever been allowed to be. that was the price of a mile in my life. i always did things the hard way because there wasn't any other choice.


I do things for me. you're either by my side or i forget you exist. I Don't like shadow people and i Don't do drama anymore. i will simply walk away from those that put me in there orbit to simply affect me negatively. 

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