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My Curse.



When it fucking rains it pours, I only achieve a peaceful moment when my life decided to fall apart again. there is no happy balance. its selfishness and attention whoring. i don't need anyones drama in my life period. it sucks worse when its right after a happy moment when I've found peace with myself. those are very real things, that have importance to me. 


I am Comfortable in my skin for the first time in my life and I don't need my ptsd triggered because i hate cops a day after i had one of the best experiences in my life and really came into my own with my character. 


I am happy. all that is wanted is for that to be ruined and mind-games... same old story 3 decades on. We are better than that. I'm better than that. time to close that door agian and move the fuck on. 


its not them that keeps me anchored here. im only here because i made a choice to take care of someone else I love, thats all that keeps me here period. Otherwise, soyanara.


I'm done with things that fuck with me inner peace. my life ain't perfect but its a good one. This King ain't got a throne but he's got a magical life. i get to go on adventures and have fun. i don't need anyone to disturb that peace or give me a fucking ptsd inspired panic attack.


be in my life or don't be. don't stay in orbit just to trigger my emotions and worse. i know I'm unstable, you know you want happy, calm, peaceful me in your life than you want bloodthirsty angry violent me in your life... One hates you... One has forgiven you, and he did that for his own mental health...


but there are days that version of me regrets that as well... oh well.


My Curse.

Current Music: Hip to be Scared. Ice Nine Kills.

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