I don't know where we stand. and i don't know if it's malicious, fairytale or just you trying to stay in orbit in my life for some strange reason, but when we are on the same page on some shit but so far away at the same time its odd that you would do a thing to change everything. I do things, and i do them in my own way... this is how my life has always been. sometimes the stars align and we are on the same page. sometimes not.
our problem is there is no trust and no faith in each other. and as long as that exists and we don't we will never get off the ground. you cant have a relationship without understanding and trust. and while I'm willing to do one without question snd with open arms, the other was broken a long time ago and you're actions have still not changed enough for me to trust you. No trust no relationship regardless how much some days we both may want the security of it.
we cant subsist on old memories to go forward. those days are over the world has moved on. we've moved on. nothing from back then is the same even if it stands which most places don't. we aren't in 2000 anymore, we aren't children with the rest of out lives in front of us...
we have a child who is almost the age i was when we got together. that always has to be a consideration when we look at the next step from my perspective. i would never give him false hope after all this time just for it to fail. i keep you at arms length for a reason. its not to protect your emotions or my peace.
its because he deserves better. he, not to mention us, is too old for an illusion anymore. I'm not going to rebuild our castle just to watch it crumble again when it doesn't work out.
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