"You wanna get nuts?? Let's get nuts!"
I know that I'm Mentally unstable... but i am and have always been more put together mentally than you are. I don't need the Chaos and the pain that you're involvement in my life brings. I have enough inside my own head and inside my own life that i don't need to be waking up to Mz. Hyde at my side... always waiting for the next knife at my back...you've already placed enough there.
I shouldn't have to be hyper vigilant at this point about you, you abandoned me, just like everyone else in my life, multiple times... now that you know how it feels you keep me around as the ultimate back up plan... thats not how this works...
when you play the ultimate mind games again and again, i start to worry and wonder because you've used the nuclear option to destroy my life before. I can't trust you, i Don't respect you or your life or your behaviour or your actions... it doesnt
matter how deep and buried those feeling and emotions that i do have for you are...
even if there was Love, and some days im still delusional enough to think there still is... I'm wrong however... its just a past metaphor for when there was love...
at this point there is no trust and no respect, and i think it goes both ways.... so regardless of any nostalgic love, and that's all its ever been a happy moment the last time our lives were normal..
there is no respect and there is no trust, there is no enduring relationship and you drop me in a moment and I ignore you unless you call... you once asked me why i never fought for you.. and the answer is easy and true, you never gave me a reason too...
...and now you are pushing me away again while trying to pull me closer into orbit...
One day ill just do the logical thing and run, but my life is permantley planted here for reasons that have nothing to do with you.. but if they weren't... i would be long gone... and you'd never ever fucking find me agian.
Trust me you have triggered my evil side, after a great weekend for my mental health and it can Eat you alive... I don't ever want you to see it again.... and only because of what I promised someone else... But trust me he's always there and always in my head... He wants out... please, please, Give Him a reason...
The Monster in my head is safely locked away, but there are days where he growls Let me the Fuck out, Some days the good soul I'm trying to be, I'm fighting so hard to be, just wants to let the other half out, and my dark side, the one I hide, My Jekyll ? He will eat you alive...
my dark side will always be stronger and more lethal than yours, thats why he's buried so deep... but its not a good day to find out why i keep him so deep within, at least the one thing i can say is that you didn't create that monster... you just keep the hunger of his anger fed for far too long...
i don't need you upsetting the delicate peace in my head when i'm finally at peace in my own Skin.
"Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many."
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