Skip to main content

Mz. Hyde.



"You wanna get nuts?? Let's get nuts!"


I know that I'm Mentally unstable... but i am and have always been more put together mentally than you are. I don't need the Chaos and the pain that you're involvement in my life brings. I have enough inside my own head and inside my own life that i don't need to be waking up to Mz. Hyde at my side... always waiting for the next knife at my back...you've already placed enough there.


I shouldn't have to be hyper vigilant at this point about you, you abandoned me, just like everyone else in my life, multiple times... now that you know how it feels you keep me around as the ultimate back up plan... thats not how this works...


when you play the ultimate mind games again and again, i start to worry and wonder because you've used the nuclear option to destroy my life before.  I can't trust you, i Don't respect you or your life or your behaviour or your actions... it doesnt

matter how deep and buried those feeling and emotions that i do have for you are...


even if there was Love, and some days im still delusional enough to think there still is... I'm wrong however... its just a past metaphor for when there was love...


at this point there is no trust and no respect, and i think it goes both ways.... so regardless of any nostalgic love, and that's all its ever been a happy moment the last time our lives were normal..


there is no respect and there is no trust, there is no enduring relationship and you drop me in a moment and I ignore you unless you call... you once asked me why i never fought for you.. and the answer is easy and true, you never gave me a reason too...


...and now you are pushing me away again while trying to pull me closer into orbit...


One day ill just do the logical thing and run, but my life is permantley planted here for reasons that have nothing to do with you.. but if they weren't... i would be long gone... and you'd never ever fucking find me agian.


Trust me you have triggered my evil side, after a great weekend for my mental health and it can Eat you alive... I don't ever want you to see it again.... and only because of what I promised someone else... But trust me he's always there and always in my head... He wants out... please, please, Give Him a reason...


The Monster in my head is safely locked away, but there are days where he growls Let me the Fuck out, Some days the good soul I'm trying to be, I'm fighting so hard to be, just wants to let the other half out, and my dark side, the one I hide, My Jekyll ? He will eat you alive...


my dark side will always be stronger and more lethal than yours, thats why he's buried so deep... but its not a good day to find out why i keep him so deep within, at least the one thing i can say is that you didn't create that monster... you just keep the hunger of his anger fed for far too long...


i don't need you upsetting the delicate peace in my head when i'm finally at peace in my own Skin.


"Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...
Post a Comment
Read more

Serpent's Kiss.

I pass in and out of peoples lives. sometimes i wonder why they come back. sometimes i wonder if the issue is me. i do grand things and i back up my plans and words and maybe sometimes thats too much for some. but all i have ever asked from those that i love is honesty. i don't care if things fall apart. all i need is the truth.  I'm getting to the point i don't trust fucking anyone. and being betrayed by those that are at best fairweather fucking friends when im not exactly finacally fucking stable.  there are reasons i keep my circle small and those i truly trust even closer. it takes a lot to be a part of my life and and i am seriously considering withdrawing from some of my social activities again because it seems like the last couple years they just turn to shit and all i am doing is losing money. i have stopped caring about a lot of people in the past and it can be real fuckin easy for me to walk away from agian. id rather work on the relationships both old and new th...
Post a Comment
Read more