Stuck In Your Head.

its an illusion of me in your head that you have. it's just an ideal of the boy i once was, all damaged and shattered back then. he isn't the man i am now. you always seem to forget that those good pieces of me you carved away a decade ago. i am simply all that remains of that good idealistic man, theres a few pieces of my soul missing, the ones you took from me. you destroyed who i am, it doesn't matter if i still see myself as that person, Ill never be that person again. you took all that away. you destroyed all that was good and pure and you wonder why i embraced being the Villian?

thats all on you.

I'd rather be the bad guy in your life, because at least that way the perimeters of our relationship are fuckin defined. and I'm free to have my peace and enjoy my life. I'm not even close to the true villain in your life, you have worse ones in your head and that's not even the most affected part of our lives.

My nightmares don't compare to the reality and you and i both are aware of that fact. its why i fade away.

its your own actions you have chosen. and you've influenced mine, i have no regrets about everything i have ever done in your directions. id have spared us both the pain and our child as well but then we wouldn't have had our moments together. and for all the pain, hurt and bullshit I wouldn't have given them up for anything. because without the pain he wouldn't exist.

but neither he and I are your playthings or possessions, hopefully one day when he realizes that, hell realize what you took away.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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