Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

A preety awesome end to a not so bad week, he's excited for the New year I'm tired... that's the way it goes.. headed back to work tonight, that should be interesting. he's happy with the week and thats all that matters.. the new year brings fresh experinces and a new outlook on things..... we'll see how it goes. For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. Current Mood: Happy.

Just sitting around watching cartoons with my son and getting things i needed done today this morning, pretty happy that even tho there have been bumps in the road that this holiday is turning into a half decent one with him and he's in happy land. i'm a little less happy about the fact that someone at work is trying to pass off and overnight shift on me when i have been very clear that when I am with my son i am completely unavilble for overnight shift... you do not leave a child with a babysitter or even family unless it is an extreme situation that can't be advoided.. i do not need the shift that badly tonight to go in. Current Mood: Very Happy.

Looks like we are finally getting some snow, things have weird ways of working themselves out, we are home and dealing with the rest of his vacation.... yesterday was fun and it was good to see him with everyone. Current Mood: Happy.

So anyways, another day of fun filled highjinks and adventure, in other words arguing with the one person who decided she leave it till the last minute for me to make plans for tommorow.... you would think you could keep the lines of communication open during the holiday so things like this don't happen but of course, thats the way things are with her... i don't think she liked the fact that I admitted to being wrong and yelling at her in frustration today... she loses her power that way when I relaize that i am giving her exactly the reaction she wants to provoke from me... ah well whatever... i have him tommorow... and it's Santa claws time... Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money3 Current Mood: Happy

I got the one thing i wanted this christmas.... he got a helicopter i got to speak to him on the phone, hopefully sunday comes off without a hitch and we spend a week together being happy and together, sorry for being miserable, i know i make my choices but this holiday can be hard when your alone, esp. as a single dad. Current Mood: Happy. I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses.

yeah, i'll admit it. being lonely on christmas does suck a little.... it would be nice to be around people instead of fucking hermiting around all day.... wallowing in my own misery.. but i made a choice.. it would probaly help if someone would return a fucking phone call but that's her pregoative, this is exactly the way i get to feel every fucking year, nothing i can do about it until it's my turn and then start ignoring her requests and calls.... we will have daddy time next week, i'm sure of that, I need to find someone Normal and start hanging out, making love, being with people agian, when my only real social circle is employment right now that is telling about my life, i have let everything fade away into dust and crumble.... I need to find something to do, someone to be,i need a change and i need it soon.... Current mood: Depressed. Oh, look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and be

Not a bad morning.... went to work and the kids were up and well behaved and excited, had pizza for lunch, kinda like the idea of not having to deal with anyone today and just fucking relaxing.... works for me. obviously i haven't called her yet so i'm not yet pissed off... of course she hasn't been answering her phone recently. And it will be 5 years Next week. Current Mood: Relaxed. Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. Bart Simpson.

I don't usually post scans from unreleased comics but this is just too Wow to ignore and i want it on my blog.... the Flash as a blue lantern, too cool... Merry Christmas everyone. Current Mood: Christmasy.

So far so good, the holiday isn't turning into the total shitstorm of depression it usually becomes for me, had to work last night which i guess is a bonus..... just wish one of my close freinds in windsor hadn't been ripped off for a wii... maybe i'll get a charity of the usual collection of idiots to put something together for him and we can get him another wii..... or something.... but yeah all in all, a better year than last... haven't been fired yet. did i mention i get to see the boys at work open there gifts under the tree tommorow? Current Mood: Tired. Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. Bart Simpson

I am moved, there were some road bumps in the way but it's done, there are some frustrations with the way things have turned out but whatever, just as long as things get done, i am greatful that work has me advoiding the christmas day crap other than work but i almost wish this holiday was done with, i'm tired and confused and i wonder what the next step is....just hope things work out in the new year. we'll see how it goes. Current Mood: Frustrated.

Today is not a good day, I am getting fed up with the outstanding amount of nonsense that I am fucking dealing with from people, i do not need to come off a graveyard shift and the first thing i hear is bitching about moving, pretty fucking fed up with that crap. I have been trying to plan the move, it's not the easiest thing to do in the world. plus there's the whole limited Resources thing, for fucks sake I have to get a fucking Welfare Cheque this month because i made exactly 500$ cash in pay this month, i don't not need to deal with more bullshit because people think they can push me around. when people push me around I push back. Current mood: Depressed and pissed off. Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts”

I can't feel anything today, i am trying to make plans for tommorow and i am not even living up to my own expectations, i am wondering what i am going to do about the move and what i am going to do about having my son next week, I don't like choosing to make sacrifices all the time, but sometimes things need to be chosen and done. hopefully this Christmas doesn't feel as cold as it currently does. But in the new year i may make some shocking decisions and upset the applecart. Current Mood:Frustrated. Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.

Some days are easier than most. today it's not even about the job it's about the fact i'm working my ass off and am on call 24/7 and i'm still not making enough money to survive. I know this job is the way it is but it still bites me in the ass some times. it's the way the world works which sucks... but whatever i'll deal, it's a good thing I'm resourceful and i know how to plan for shit like birthdays and christmas or this month would suck even more than it currently does. Current Mood: Annoyed. As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything I will, treat you like a dog as I shoot my venom in 'Cause you knew all along I am a scorpion, yeah!

Some Mornings everything just seems to work out right and i can see the new dawn on the horizon, things are getting back to normal for me and i have less worries than i thought I would with the holidays fast approaching, a good relationship with my boss, plenty of time with the little one over the holidays and a basket ful of xmas gifts... the world is slowly coming together for me and some of my demons are starting to fade away, i feel more positive at work too. Current Mood: At Peace. When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.

it's interesting to see that ones end up with a certian set of books about a certian lone drow elf every 5 years, this has to be one of the first times in years that even tho money is tight i am slowly becoming at peace with myself, i remeber the last time, it was about now 2004. while there are still conccerns and issues to deal with, and there is a diffrent set of heartache and expectations arounds my next steps it's reassuring to know that some things can still keep me grounded and more than happy. I wish i could see and feel the future but i can't so i have to leave the adventure beyond and let it pull me wherever it's going to take me, there's decisions to be made but they can pass by until the new year, i'm going to enjoy this current state as long as it lasts. Current Mood: At Peace with Oneself. Currently Reading: Homelands, R.A. Salvatore. Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a cu

nothing like nothing to do for the next week or so... i should go on vacation somehwere and be a lot less bored but that would require effort.. i have things to get acoomplished... sometimes it just feels like some days my life moves in slow motionn and all i do is sit around play guitar and watch television, i used to be a lot more interesting than this. Current Mood: ZZZZZ

it's nice to find peace with the the ones you care about... even if little man is sick it was nice not having to rush out of work this morning and actually have conversations with the kids... it's also nice to have a saturday off... i feel bad because he has the sniffles and a cough but depending how he feels tommorow i will go visit... Mommy will come get his birthday prezzie soon so it's all good. Current Mood: Happy. Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

I'm in a better Mood today as some of the dark cloud hanging over my head has been resolved. it's good to know that my career won't be heading into the toilet anytime soon. it's too bad that someone else is taking advantage and hurting someone i care the most about in the world becuase of said career however.. but there will be a phone call and a reckoning tonight and some words will be said politely... and maybe not so politely. Current Mood: Happy.

people may wonder why i'm fucking distant or i don't seem to care about certian fucking things as much as i should. newsflash there's only a few things i really and truly care about and it seems like currently they are systemactily taken away from me, nothing like opening your heart and soul up to someone years ago to someone who now contuinually uses a dagger to continue to ruip out the black peices of my soul. if you/her/sheshe truly understood me she would have never treated me the way she fucking does. if she truly loved her son she would not treat us the way she does. she is the reason that her son is growing up Just like I did, the diffrence is that She has a choice I did not growing up. Current mood: Reflective. Well my son turned six just the other day he said thanks for the ball Dad come on let's play can you teach me to throw I said not today - I got a lot to do he said that's o.k. and he walked away and he smiled and he said you know I'm gonna be lik

Hmmm, i wonder who i could be possibly pissed off at currently... i don't need a fucking argument over my cell phone minutes long distance at prime time, it's enough that you do not respect me and the fact i have to fucking work to provide for my son but now you want to make plans for the weekend i am supposed to have my son, what kind of fucking crack do you think your on? maybe i should take you back to fucking court and deal with you... Current Mood: Pissed. Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one Ben Franklin.

I hope You had a good day and i hope you like the present Daddy got you....... 6 already where did the time go? Current Mood: Sad.

I am starting to feel that hiding away any emotions or compassion is the best way to go in this world. i am feeling expected to be a drone and do what I'm told in every situtaion is the best way to go. at least that way I can't be blamed for having a free thinking mind... it's nice how i have become somehow souless in the persuit of this feild that now i don't care... the fire is starting to go out and i'm expecting the lone lingering flame that has kept me going to be completely snuffed soon. at least at this juncture in time I have other priorities.. y'know... such as breathing and keeping a roof over my head... and everythign else that comes with that.There's always the next step and at this point i'm starting to think i need to look towards. Seems like everything always turns coldest in Decemeber, maybe next year things will change, maybe next year i'll find some security in life, whatever. Current mood: Positive. If you limit your choices only t

One is getting sick of people that don't know me telling me how good it is that i have a job and i should be grateful that i'm working this time of year...newsflash fuckers... i make less money this month than a person on Ontario Works... I am seriously thinking about going back to St. Catherines, i know that there is a place for me there.. people seem to wonder why i'm irrrabtle, obnoxious and angry around December, well there's the whole Birthday thing that i can't even see my son for, the whole i just sold one of the things i Like to get him something he likes for his birthday, and the fact that i don't know how i'll be able to take him over the holidays and move into a new place.. the frustrations become evident... and then to have some fucker tell me to be thankful for the things i have and the job i have? you mean the job that works me to death and then doesn't have a place for me in decemeber, the time of year i need shifts the most? i wish they w

Nothing like sitting around without the patience to do anything waiting for the next shoe to drop and understanding that it may not, i detest waiting for the guillotine if it's coming, whatever the next step is i think i need to be somewhere else that i'm appreciated and needed, i have many skills and the patience level is subsiding. i should not be starving and making less money than i would on welfare, it's a good thing a majority of Xmas presents have been bought because i can't afford to do shit with December's pay.... i wonder why things happen why they do.. i am seriously considering moving back to St. Catherines if for any other reason than there is nothing here for me and lately that is being proven evident. Current Mood: Angry. If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?

One is starting to get the feeling that I need to find a new job and a new place to be in terms of my life... i have to apply for welfare around christmas because i am not getting shifts? i'm supposed to moving this month, this transient nature of this job is affecting me very personally and my son, i think it may be time to find something else in a hurry, it probaly doesn't help my self esteem or my mental health that someone left me a nasty fuck you letter when she quit, that's nice and professional, it's one thing to not like someone and their methods, opions etc. but when you unleash a personal attack without provocation that's ridiclous, no wonder i have lost faith in this carreer and this job... i would be better off with out it.. and i'm starting to think more and more about teaching and finding something else with my life... i do not need this shit month after month after month, i should not be wondering where my next meal or shift is coming from day aft

The patience level is wearing thin... i cannot fucking wait to be moved. this douche landlord is once agian playing games and if it continues and he keeps trying to kick me out i am going to go to the tribunal and get a cease and desist order and/or punch the fucking goof out... i am sick of people that think they can just do things with threats... that's not how the world works... it's not like i'm in the greatest space currently due to the bullshit at work and having to deal with that cocksmokers nonsense makes things even more confusing... it doesn't help with everything else going on... i just want to make like an ostrich and stick my head in a hole.... Current mood: Frustrated. Life is not an easy matter... You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness. Leon Trotsky (Russian Communist theorist and agita

Nothing is more annoying than being asked to do something and then encountering a wall of silince when it comes time to deal with it... my patience is once aguan running thin... i'm wondering if it's agian time to speak to the lawyers and let them settled things... i have enough stressful events in my life right now... i do not need her nonsense right now.. it's agrravating. Current Mood: Annoyed. He said, "I'm your brother, I'm your friend I'm purity, hit me again With a bullet, number one Kill the family, save the son" Himself Himself

Today was an interesting day, tired of dealing with bullshit from people that never quite live up to my expectations...nothing like being employed and being told off that i'm not qualified to recive christmas assistance because i have a job.. sometimes i wonder if the pendelum in this country has swung too far.. i mean the working poor should be more entitled to help than the fuckers sitting at home popping out kids and staying on welfare.. i'm educated i want to work, just because it's a slow period at work agian and i'm sking for assitance.. a fuck whatever.... it's just the stupidity of some bullshit buercract better luck tommorow....I shouldn't let shit like this get to me.. but it is indicative of a bigger problem in society. Current mood: Annoyed. I've done it all I mean I been everywhere I've been beaten I been stabbed I been hung I been burried alive And I can deal with that But its the little things