Skip to main content

A Long December


One is getting sick of people that don't know me telling me how good it is that i have a job and i should be grateful that i'm working this time of year...newsflash fuckers... i make less money this month than a person on Ontario Works... I am seriously thinking about going back to St. Catherines, i know that there is a place for me there.. people seem to wonder why i'm irrrabtle, obnoxious and angry around December, well there's the whole Birthday thing that i can't even see my son for, the whole i just sold one of the things i Like to get him something he likes for his birthday, and the fact that i don't know how i'll be able to take him over the holidays and move into a new place.. the frustrations become evident... and then to have some fucker tell me to be thankful for the things i have and the job i have? you mean the job that works me to death and then doesn't have a place for me in decemeber, the time of year i need shifts the most? i wish they would just lay me off or fire me.. at least that way i could move on and not be tethered to the responibilty i feel for those kids, I don't want to be a footnote in their lives, i remeber how that feels, But i have to think about me and mine too.

Current Mood: Cold.
Come, come thou bleak December wind,
And blow the dry leaves from the tree!
Flash, like a Love-thought, thro'me, Death
And take a Life that wearies me
Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1772-1834, Fragment 3

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world.  I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works.  You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.