Skip to main content

Amityville: The Return II

Let's establish a few things right now in terms of my fucking life.. I am responsible for only one other person In my life and it seems like am being drained away by concerns that are not mine and distracted by them, I need to analyze my options and start making plans to move forward.. if someone is crying the blues and can't find any kind of stability in her life and that conversely affects my life I am seriously considering moving on, there has been way to much bullshit in the last year to consider anything otherwise, because of her actions i was essitantly homeless last winter for December and at this fucking point i am debating whether or not i want to allow myself to be stuck in the predicament again... I care about the people around me but i have to look out for myself and my interests first, As i said Other than me, there is only One person I am responsible for... and at this point i have to do a long hard look in the mirror and at my surroundings and decide what the best course of action for me is...i can only deal with so much bullshit and putting other little people at risk because of poor decisions isn't part of the plan, neither is affecting my situation by the same brush of paint.. I am going to win, I won't be dragged down into someone Else's personal hell... it's bad enough i am affected by it.. I need stability in my life Not chaos, I am regretting at the current moment making the return to Windsor... where i would have been safe and secure and surrounded by friends... the battle would have been harder and the opportunities of the last year would not have become anything... but i would have been comfortable.. and happy. I'm not A Martyr For someone Else's bad Decisions, Only my Own. I take full responsibility for those.

Current Mood: Angst, Anger, Depression.
Life isn't stable. Stability is unnatural. The only stable society is the police state. You can have a free society or you can have a stable society. You can't have both. Take your choice. As for me, I'll choose a free, organic society over a rigid, artificial society any day.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.