Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

There are things in my life i don't like and some peoples expectations of me are sometimes enough to set me on an even darker path than the one I am already on, sometimes when that happens i lash out in anger and wrath, that Is the person I am, i have so much bottled up and under control that when something happens that I can control in terms of relationships i do tend to go for the knee jerk reaction of standing alone and telling everyone else to fuck off... at this late stage of the game i don't have much need for emotional turmoil or bullshit and sometimes words cut deep and people don't realize just how deep. I know I am guilty of it too. but it is who I am, while I apologize for my actions and reactions, I will not apologize for who I am.. i have things in my life I hate but they are necessary evils until everything at the end of the game is done.... I fucking hate all this plastic shit cluttering up my house and i hate even more that my housekeeping skills suck.... on

I have been on my own for 20 years this summer and I have always tried to do the right thing and my life is still a giant ball of fucking shit... It's time to finish what i have started with the battle and strife of the last years for me.. not for anyone else..not for anyone but him, This is only about him, not about about her, not about me, not about my family member's who are willing to help but with a side order of guilt, my choices are my own and this fight is my own... I am my own own, I fucking hate this crappy job selling this garbage pieces of fucking plastic... but right now it's all i have it's what is paying and fueling the legal bills... This isn't about about saving my soul or my future... both of those have already been fucking written, it's about his soul... and I know that This war, this war that started when i was Eight years old, and only Intensified when he was Seven Win or Lose it has to end, that Is the only thing important to me.. if you d

There comes a time to stand and fight and be right and refuse to be peaceful or surrender, NO compromises and NO question of what the end goal and end Game is... It's time to stop being the man that waits for other's to finish this battle for me... it's time for me to be proactive and on the full offensive, I have the tools and i have the will and the drive, I know exactly what I am fighting for and all the personal sacrifice i have done and will done is worth that... but it's time to make people remeber i have a fucking voive in all of this and when someone starts making fucking discuisions for me, esp when they affect me negatively on a legal level and are counter productive to the entire fucking end game it's time to be a lot more fucking active.. i am not some dumb kid.. i have been that in years.. i have been fighting this war on one front since i was 8 years old... i know damn well I have issues and probaly should deal with some counselling... maybe it's t

There has been an unexpected and Interesting devolpment today, and it's very telling to see what the end result will be.. if anything it only makes my case stronger and it leads to some serious question's over the handling of certain things over the past few years... I almost wonder how this will affect everything and if someone left the situation because they did not want to be on the losing end and now someone unknown has taken the place... That's fine... I may be at war with her... But I'm also at war with them, and I've known them a lot longer, I know exactly how to fight back and win agianst them, my whole life has been decicated to being someone who could change them, whether from within or without, either way they are the gasoline... And I am the flame... I have even less to fear than I once did... This battle is mine to lose and the more machinations that go on behind the scenes the more it leads me to wonder where does the battle end... because it's com

It's interesting to note that at this point of my life that certain thing's are being noticed in my life.. when i graduated the first spider man came out... my last happy date with a girl that mattered was when spider man 2 came out in 2004, that was almost immediate before i knew that I was a father. and then at the end of my current battle, i go and see ASM 2 alone, when there is a gigantic hole in my chest and i know that someone who should be beside me isn't... it's time to fix this problem, it's time for the pain i feel to be inflicted on someone else and turn the tables... there is no malice in my heart but it's time for someone else to feel the fire and know what the battle is when it has been brought to them, almost ten years till my life changed.... the days are counting down... i'm waiting for the fire to burn hot enough that everything i have felt every day for the past three years burns you too... burns you away.... i can dance and laugh in the f

Turn me up, my name is never No my name, my name is never Never surrender, never tell Won the war, now go to hell The game is ending and it's getting to be time to get back to the next step and start putting fucking pressure on the parties responsible, there's nothing left for me to do but go forward, if i am looking back in darkness then what's the fucking point in looking back it's time to push and smash forward... it's not about me, it's never been about me, and I need to push forward, i know part of that is looking within and making some changes to myself and being a better person and figuring my shit out both within and without, but it's time to fight, it's time to win or at least stand tall and never back down, and it's time to make people remember and wish they had never met me, I am someone they should fear, when this is all said and done i will have some new perspective on everything in this world and it will help me fight injustice pr