Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

I am sick of looking out for other people, I have a few things i'd like to this year, but when i get demanding little cocksuckers i am doing major favors for demanding i give him fucking money when i haven't gotten to the fucking bank yet, it affects my veiw on a lot of things... i have no fucking time for all the turmoil in my fucking life to deal with self centered little assholes that are sitting there because i care about him and the welfare of his son to be taking abuse, yes, you helped me when i was working with my son, but i don't like being fucking taken advantage of when i have a little fucking extra scratch, i'm sitting there starving last week and this cocksucker borrows fucking money when i have it, and is demanding about it? I did this to protect myself and get my last months invested in my old place back and it seems as usual, when i fucking trust someone the knife goes into the back, but heres the fucking thing... I don't have to give over the apartme

Things are going well and I am trying to make things go right for this weekend, this is going to be a huge change in lifestyle and the way i go about doing things.... having a parachute to be able to deal with some of the finacial concerns is an even better situation but it is very good that i am jettisoning some of the cheaper stock and still making a little bit of profit on some of it even if some of it is just me recovering costs. It doesn't hurt me and in fact helps me a little as to having space for more important things, and knowing that some other kid instead of mine is benefiting helps, i got into this thing because i had too much crap for my kid, it fucking exploded into me just having too much of everything just to provide myself an income and to pay the legal bills, and Now after trying for months to transition away from it I am stuck here holding all the stuck and the bag, in my world you fuck off on someone for over a month that's called abandonment, I do care that

Only TRUE friends got your back when you're down. No matter the situation On a happier note, even with all the turmoil right now in my life and me not knowing where i am going in the near future because i may making major life changes to fix some of the situations at hand it was nice to spend a day with an old freind that i have been close to forever and spend some time with him and his son watching the royal rumble last night, it was a nice break from the cold reality of my life and it harkened back to days spent with the same freind back in the day when things were a lot more innocent and a time when i was less damaged, bitter and cynical and jaded to the rest of the world, being able to forget a lot of lifes problems for a night did a lot for the anger residing within and the mental health, he only thing missing is the fact that my son should have been joining us, but it will come in time... but i am grateful and relieved to have family and freinds who have always had my fu

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, more vengeance, more desolation. War is hell. Exactly ten years ago today i was either buying a ring or going to war, We know how that turned out, both days are covered in snow, other than a few years of happiness in between we have been on opposing side for a decade, I don't understand why his childhood and his teenage years will possibly be defined by us battling it out in court, but for whatever reason that was your decision, and as long as i am a part of his life i don't feel there will ever be an end to this... unfourtunaltley, if you truly knew me, you'd know exactly why I won't ever give up this battle and why it will be my end and my end only that would ever stop the beating heart within me to do so... the walls are closing in and as of last week i have done one of the last things to stall the process so hopefully soon, the next step can beg

To a vampire, there is only selfishness. Everyone wants a piece of you. The trick is what piece to give. It's clear the partnership is done and that all that is left is to burn the ashes and recoup my losses and my Costs as I have been doing for the greater part of the last year... pretty fucking sad actually, i spent a lot of fucking time and effort on making this stupid fucking toy thing a success for both of us, but of course as usual, like most things in my life, after two years or so I hit either a brick wall or just get fed up with the whole situation, In this case actually it's fucking both. It was a necessary evil a year ago, maybe 2... but it's no longer necessarily needed now and if it is becoming an albatross around my neck, it's time for it to be gone. I'll tell you this, in the next ten days there are going to be a few major life changes, and all of this plastic crap, Most of it is no longer going to be part of my life, I have other priorities and t

He knew that all the hazards and perils were now drawing together to a point: the next day would be a day of doom, the day of final effort or disaster, the last gasp. Today was another move forward and whatever reservations i had at the door when i walked in, they were left at the door, this has never been about me or the anger that is felt towards me, this only about my son and what he has had to endure the last 4 years and whatever damage that has been done to his fragile little pysche it has not been done at my hands. the only thing i need to do is to apply pressure in the right direction to some people i think are not doing all they can do and letting stall tactics be the order of the day because they are complacent and drawing money from it, and watch the things that need to happen, happen, all i can do is be truthful and open and discuss my pain and my life and my reasons and decisions for doing things even when i have made some mistakes and I do have regrets, No one is perfe