Prime Directives

Things are going well and I am trying to make things go right for this weekend, this is going to be a huge change in lifestyle and the way i go about doing things.... having a parachute to be able to deal with some of the finacial concerns is an even better situation but it is very good that i am jettisoning some of the cheaper stock and still making a little bit of profit on some of it even if some of it is just me recovering costs. It doesn't hurt me and in fact helps me a little as to having space for more important things, and knowing that some other kid instead of mine is benefiting helps, i got into this thing because i had too much crap for my kid, it fucking exploded into me just having too much of everything just to provide myself an income and to pay the legal bills, and Now after trying for months to transition away from it I am stuck here holding all the stuck and the bag, in my world you fuck off on someone for over a month that's called abandonment, I do care that I'm getting fucked out of a show this weekend but i have made serious fucking plans for the next one to do myself if that's what it comes down to. I won't get screwed out of the money that is rightfully mine and that is owed, I worked too fucking hard at this shit to lose everything, but it has been put away in it's proper place and we will see what the future holds, but for now, the first order of buisness is taking care of me.

Current Mood: Annoyed, Hungry.

We are all selfish and I no more trust myself than others with a good motive.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

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