Skip to main content

Yoshi's Story.

He knew that all the hazards and perils were now drawing together to a point: the next day would be a day of doom, the day of final effort or disaster, the last gasp.

Today was another move forward and whatever reservations i had at the door when i walked in, they were left at the door, this has never been about me or the anger that is felt towards me, this only about my son and what he has had to endure the last 4 years and whatever damage that has been done to his fragile little pysche it has not been done at my hands. the only thing i need to do is to apply pressure in the right direction to some people i think are not doing all they can do and letting stall tactics be the order of the day because they are complacent and drawing money from it, and watch the things that need to happen, happen, all i can do is be truthful and open and discuss my pain and my life and my reasons and decisions for doing things even when i have made some mistakes and I do have regrets, No one is perfect and in a lot of ways I could have been better, but i know at the end of the day, even in my darkest of days, there is a little light inside of me, one that will always fight for what it is right, it's not about anything but that, that innocent soul that has been torn for me for far too long, No child should be used as pawn agianst the other parent ever. this is the last step and while it is taking longer than I expect there are very few doors that she can hide behind, and after today i very much feel that this is one less door to be hidden behind, it was a positive experince, naturally i don't trust anyone in the system and i remain skeptical, but it seems that whatever issues and indecision i had beforehand about dealing with this are in the past, I will never trust anyone in the system uncondontionally but any time i can walk out of a meeting regarding the past and/or the last four years and have positive energy regarding it rather than dark, black and red rage.... It's a good day... we will see what the answer is soon, but this is an open door to the ending, it's time for the vooice that has not been heard in the proceedings to be heard... and that voice is not mine.

Current Mood: Positive
Truth has it's end, but a Lie will fall forever.

The most important thing is this: to sacrifice what you are now for what you can become tomorrow.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...