Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Person 1: Stay back....I have a demon inside of me. Person 2: Let me get closer...I have a hell inside me where your demons can live. Another Dark Halloween that I am not happy about, it's a very dark place I am in right now when i should be fucking happier than I am. All of my accomplishments all that i ever worked for, those fucking things ring hollow when something simple as going trick or treating with my eleven year old are fucking denied me... i can always hope for next year, but even that is starting to ring hollow when All i have left is the fucking battle. you have no idea of the hell inside my soul that you have caused, and continue to do so. One day all this will end. One way or another. Another day that should be a lot less dark than it currently is.... a day i fought for... something for me and Him. Current Mood: Sad, Dark. Current Music: Within temptation, A Demon's Fate Why wear a mask on halloween if you wear one every day?

If I kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed. Nothing of real worth can ever be bought. Love, friendship, honour, valour, respect. All these things have to be earned. I am at fucking war, this is a fact of my life. There is nothing else, I haven't got a choice than to be angry, any distractions in my life have been stripped away systematically by other people's decisions and wishes and wants. But what about mine? I've sacrificed all that I have been twice over the last four fucking years, my career, this toy thing, all of it gone, one out of selfishness that I can return to, another that I have been made to fucking feel guilty about for making money for years, I didn't see anyone complaining when it paid the legal bills for every fucking battle I had to fucking fight, now I'm choosing to fucking question things that were not supposed to happen because I have questions about games that got played a month ago? I don't tr

I'm trying to find a place with peace. And if not, then let's fill it with mayhem. I don't know what my next step in this life is anymore, the thing that has held the demons at bay and been a distraction if not a worthwhile one is finally over and I find myself waxing nostalgic for something i have for the most part hated. nothing has fucking changed, I'm still sitting here waiting for the real things in my fucking life to change and they aren't. and now i have nothing to drive towards or anything to distract me from the fact that all i am doing with the rest of my life is playing a waiting a game.. I'm sure I'll find something to fill the void, but right now, I'm at peace during wartime and without something to occupy my time and occupy my mind i'm just sitting here, angry, depressed and brooding, waiting for the next chess move.. at least before I had something to distract me, Now all there is.. Is the War... and it's not fucking ending soon.

Darkness... When everything that you know and love... is taken from you so harshly... all you can think about is anger, hatred, and even revenge... and no one can save you I don't know what the next step is, I only know that their is no backing down and unlike other individuals involved in the battle I am a man of integrity and There's no surrender, no remorse until the battle is won or lost, Until that last breath escapes from my chest and things are turly over, nothing will ever be over, i won't simply stay silent and disappear into the sands of time, if i have to get seriously fucking agressive even towards my own allies so be it.. This isn't my life and soul at stake... It's not about me and my happiness and wants, it never has been, It's time to make them remeber that, Even if i have to scare them to do so, I'm No stranger to being the big scary monster that some people should fear, some in my life havbe deserved it, other's have never seen it, i

What does time hold, for the man sitting sullenly? I'm starting to fucking wonder why I am pursuing certain fucking things in my life when it's clear the more involved I get with them or trusting certain people the more angry and fucking frustrated I get. It's pretty sad that for the last few months I have been a caged animal instead of the vicious monster I claim to be and have let other things take priority and precedence over the only gooddamn thing in my life, I think ongoing in my life I need and want to be fucking selfish and that is going to lead to some changes and decisions in my life because I can't stand around in a constant state of fucking frustration. I'm sick of my life as it fucking stands right now and I need to make it clear that it's about me because right now I am feeling like a hollow fucking shell and that I am being taken advantage of and all my hard work is for nothing, I know, sounds fucking familiar, nothing like the same similar blac

Anyone who isn't with me opposes me, and anyone who isn't working with me is actually working against me. A strong person is not the one who doesn't cry. A strong person is one who is quiet and sheds tears for a moment, and then picks up his sword and fights again.. I don't have the time or the fucking patience for anyone In this life whether they be mentor, Friend, Acquaintance or Lawyer to be actively working against me. I have stood and fought too Long to care if someone Has my back or not.. For far too long those that i thought had my fucking back, Only really waited for a time to Stab me in the back, I Don't have fucking time for people like that, There are too many fucking questions due to the last fucking month that have been left answered, i have no illusions anymore about anything or anyone, i know for that people That supposedly have my back are actively working agianst me and my wishes and mine and my son's best interests... these fucking days tha