Skip to main content

The Game..

It was like when you make a move in chess and just as you take your finger off the piece, you see the mistake you've made, and there's this panic because you don't know yet the scale of disaster you've left yourself open to.

Sometimes I have to do things like tonight to remind myself that I am normal and just angry and depressed and driven once in a while to maintain my sanity. it hopefully will be the lasttime i attend something like that without my son and his presence was felt and missed tonight.. we will see what the next month or so goes, but tonight would have been an experince he would have enjoyed, and i really missed the fact he wasnt there..seeing something that i have been into snce i was a child and shared with him before,i really missed him tonight. hopfully tonight is the last time i do something epic and interesting without him,the next few months will prove the reality of that. i needed to recharge and tonight helped with that. it was nice to see some favorite wrestlers and experince it alone but it would have been better with company. i missed my best freind as well given that relationship started with a mutual love of the wwe, it would be cool to duplicate this experince with him as well. there are things on the bucket list that have to been done...but i've taken my moment to escape reality only for a moment.its time to focus on what i have to do now, time enough for the fun stuff later.

Current Mood: Happy, Tired

How dreadful...to be caught up in a game and have no idea of the rules.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you. 
Post a Comment
Read more