Skip to main content

Coma White



I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me.

I'm not begging anyone to stay in my life... if you want me out of it, the message has been fucking received, I'm making my choices on whats best for me and only for me... There's too many people in my life that are drama right now, IF you don't want to be in my life, so be it, I don't want you there. I'm know for fucking walking away to focus on whats truly important to me. I can't deal with the negativity that's coming around, I have no problem leaving people that by their actions and behaviors have already left me. im not gonna fight to save anyone's soul by my own now. and mines already corrupted to shit so whats the fucking point. I'm done fighting, I'm done with negative people and I'm done with giving a shit.. I'm slowly not caring again and when i get to that point i will and have lacked empathy for everyone and everything, it's just my nature to hate and not care.. I don't want to be angry and I don't want to fucking fight anyone at this stage.. but I don't care anymore either.. if it's me against the world, fuck the world I choose myself.... I always have, I always will.

There are things that are important to me and always will be, and there are things i leave lying in a bloody gutter with no fucking looking back, It's up to you to choose which one you are. i'm starting to figure who is gonna be there in the long run and the list is slowly dwindling... if you're poison to my life why the hell do i want that cancer inside of me? i stared so long into the abyss I became the fucking thing... If my fucking darkness is the only thing to keep me company i'll stay inside shackled to it's warm embrace.

I have burnt bridges with so called friends and so called fucking family for less than what I'm dealing with in my head right now... I'm sick of my life and I'm sick of being angry and fucking fighting Just to exist. there is nothing I want anymore than to be happy, but that's not going to happen. Other than a few fleeting moments. That's the reality of my life.. everyone Fades away.. and I'm still here King Of the Mountain, Still standing.. Still the King. King Nothing. Let me pour you a drink from my stained chalice...

I don't need people, I never have, it's been so much easier to walk away and be fucking ignored. that's status quo for me.. i make my own way in the world and I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me. I never have.. this universe has never given me a fucking reason to care so why the hell should I now at the end of the fucking road when I have nothing left of value should I give a damn about what happens to me, much less what happens to anyone else. that's the perspective I'm sitting at right now. that's how little I care.

Deal with it.

Current Mood: Confused.
Current Music: Bela's Lugosi's dead, Bauhaus

A lot of you cared, just not enough.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more