Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

This week there is no anger or negativity, just remeberance and concern for how my son is dealing with it all. I know how it affects me.. I can't imagine how it affects him. I'm done fighting and being angry over it. Whatever's left in this moment... It's time to heal... That's it. Maybe one day we will have that... But right now there is no anger, no animosity... Just remembering the good person she was and the relationship we had with her... And the one she had with our son. I will always miss her, I can't imagine how the two of you feel.

There is no normal. This is the new normal. This is what the world is now. It's fucked. I have no patience for it. I have no patience for anyone. I can't see the future or wait on anything behind me right fucking now. I feel so fucking trapped and nothing changes. I feel more imprisoned in my own mind and in my own apartment than I did last year when I was actually imprisoned.... I'm a tough person to love or have in your life and worse when I'm constantly feeling alone and broken having all those that matter at arm's lengths or worse isn't fucking good for my mental health. I've got no illusions about my future or my place in the world or in his world anymore. I just wait for every day to be over. For this goddamn pandemic to be over. I wish I knew where I was going but I don't. Current Mood: Depressed Current Music: Neil Young, Like a Hurricane.