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Para-Noir

Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do

In the natural order of things hating you is the most obvious response. There's no reason we should change things from the status quo. Any changes with you come with a price. I'm too old and too bitter to pay that price now.

I have no patience for nostalgia or going back to things the way they were. We are different people. We've grown up. We've grown up cold.

There may be forgiveness, but I will never forget what you and you alone have done to me.

I have no fucking time for high school nonsense. I will fade away out of your life like I never fucking existed if you pull that shit. I have no qualms about doing so.

You can't keep playing games and just expect me to swallow them hook line and sinker. There will come a day when I no longer care. It comes easy to me to cut people out of my life. Even you.

If I don't trust you, and you have given me ample reason not to... I'll say goodbye... And I fucking mean it. I don't want bullshit and drama in my life. Not from you, not from anyone. Not anymore.

I don't get what you're fucking game is and I don't care. I had a good vibe going and I'd like to fucking keep it. I had a happy birthday and I had fun. I even liked talking to you, but if the next day we are playing silly high school games. I am fucking done. I don't deal with immaturity and drama in my life. I don't need to. Not anymore.

I am not and never will be defined by my relationships, that's the difference between us... I don't just fucking fade away because you have someone else. I also don't forget you exist when I'm with someone else. I just kind of wish you didn't and the fact that my heart is an open sore for you regardless of who I am with.

You know it fucking occurs to me, I don't always pay full attention or go all in when it comes to my relationships, I always have outside interests, years ago it was my education and being a father, more recently it was the toy bullshit and getting my life together and having a good time enjoying my life, but I do think when I give myself fully to someone they should celebrate the differences not be upset by them.

Maybe that's my mistake, but I'm not planning to ever fucking change. Too stubborn I guess. I'm going to chase my own path, no matter who the fuck  is along for the ride. The only thing that mattered to make me slow down was a long time ago... He's an adult now, almost. He has his own path to go down. Hopefully it's better than mine. Hopefully one day I can join him on it a little.

I do not and will not let anyone control me. I didn't change for my son's mother or my own. Its highly doubtful I'm going to change for anyone else. That's not the way I'm built. I follow my own stars. Into hell if need be. Where I will eventually end up holds no secret to me. I just want to have a good time getting there.

I'm not going to play you're high school games and hot and cold anymore. I have things to fucking do. Either be honest with you're intentions or fuck right off. I don't have time or patience for this shit anymore. I refuse to deal with it.

Current Mood: pissed off.

If I can't be your true love, I want to be your worst nightmare.

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