"The old ways are done. You can either adapt and survive, or die with the past. The decision is yours."
I hate loving someone unconditionally when it’s very clear there are conditions on both sides. It’s confusing. It’s even harder because I am trying agian and sometimes it sounds like it’s all you want and other times you seem like you are pushing me away. Hating you and being at war was easier than this even tho that hurt like hell too. This unknowing hurts even more and you goddamn well know it. I guess it is what is. I’ve gotta wait for you to make your decision. It doesn’t
Mean I have to fucking like it.
I have forgiven, but I have not forgotten the damage you have provided to both me and him for the last decade. You decided to be the only parent for a long time and now emotionally for some reason you want
Me in you’re life. I told my last partner I would not allow myself to be a back up plan, no fucking way I allow you the exact same luxury. I may not be dating because of the pandemic and the way I feel about you, but I can and will move on. I have before. I will again if it comes down to it.
Holding a flame for someone who constantly burns whatever emotions she has for me hot and cold is ridiculous. I can’t do that. It’s not as easy for me to turn it off. But when I do, I will take a long time to come back agian. I think you need to consider that. Because you will know exactly what you will have lost.
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