Lethal Protector

You have no right to call upon and ask for protection and support when you involve yourself in drama, I’m not there and that’s you’re doing. Yet the fact that I will always be there for you weighs heavily on my mind. I will always take that stupid fucking call.

But early morning wake ups about you’re pathetic little dramas about other men are not something I truly need to deal with. Especially not this weekend, this is why there will likely never be another moment for us... because instead of holding or talking to the one that means the most to you, you deal with fuckin randoms and then call me to throw it in my face and I’m hardly awake and I don’t even understand.

I hate the fact that you will always use my as a protector but always from afar, you want all the benefits of what we were.

We aren’t that anymore. Maybe we are getting closer to it, maybe one misstep and I’m going back to living in a box... I don’t trust you and there are times when I want to give you my all and I can’t.

This isn’t what I signed on... and the way you behave has me fearing for my kid. He sees all the same actions I do. I will always be there but there are fucking days I don’t have to like it. Today is one of them.

I will always have you’re back even when you fucking destroyed me, the heart wants what it wants. But, One of needs to grow up, and clearly it’s no longer me.

Current Mood: Confused.

Current Music: The Quiet Room, Alice Cooper.

"I've seen knights in armour panic at the first hint of battle. And I've seen the lowliest unarmed squire pull a spear from his own body, to defend a dying horse. Nobility is not a birthright; it's defined by one's actions."

—Robin of Locksley

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

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