Skip to main content

Lethal Protector




You have no right to call upon and ask for protection and support when you involve yourself in drama, I’m not there and that’s you’re doing. Yet the fact that I will always be there for you weighs heavily on my mind. I will always take that stupid fucking call.


But early morning wake ups about you’re pathetic little dramas about other men are not something I truly need to deal with. Especially not this weekend, this is why there will likely never be another moment for us... because instead of holding or talking to the one that means the most to you, you deal with fuckin randoms and then call me to throw it in my face and I’m hardly awake and I don’t even understand.


I hate the fact that you will always use my as a protector but always from afar, you want all the benefits of what we were.

We aren’t that anymore. Maybe we are getting closer to it, maybe one misstep and I’m going back to living in a box... I don’t trust you and there are times when I want to give you my all and I can’t.


This isn’t what I signed on... and the way you behave has me fearing for my kid. He sees all the same actions I do. I will always be there but there are fucking days I don’t have to like it. Today is one of them.


I will always have you’re back even when you fucking destroyed me, the heart wants what it wants. But, One of needs to grow up, and clearly it’s no longer me.


Current Mood: Confused.

Current Music: The Quiet Room, Alice Cooper. 


"I've seen knights in armour panic at the first hint of battle. And I've seen the lowliest unarmed squire pull a spear from his own body, to defend a dying horse. Nobility is not a birthright; it's defined by one's actions."

—Robin of Locksley

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you. 

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Villian

I've never gave a rats ass about being the bad guy. But I have cared about being a fairweather freind and how I reflect on being a role model to my son. I will walk away from any bad actors or bad relationships that endanger the relationship I am slowly attempting to rebuild.  I know I can be a prick. But when you hurt someone I care about, I do not trust you that you may affect those I care about. I burn bridges with gasoline while I'm standing upon them.  It wont be the first multiple decade freindship ive demolished, it won't be the last. Im starting to reevaluate a lot of drinking buddies agian to see who is actually something and who I just party with. If I'm obviously moving in a direction thats going to have me ghosting someone whose been around for a minute, so be it. It wont even be the first one this year. I dont look back. And I dont care, if I exclude you from my life, thats an ending that's where its done.  I am making choices for my future and its pret...