I am still standing, a decade after I should have fell and been broken. Even in silence and anger I have you're back and I will catch you when you fucking fall every fucking time.
Our biggest fucking problem is that I don't know how to back down, not to you, not to anyone. It's a strength but it makes whatever we are, whatever we were, whatever we are going to be difficult. I will always be here for you, but I will always stand my ground and I will never ever back down.
We've fought a war and ended up on the other side and these emotions remain. I walk away constantly but that's a bridge too far for you to cross. I'm you're albatross in life, I'm aware of that. But I still can't come to you, you have to come to me.
I am missing some of who I used to be, but some of who I used to be is an illusion and wishful thinking... but some of it was real and even tho we had to struggle, I think we were happier than we are now. I know that I was happier then. The weight of the world and the things I haven't done yet even tho I have tried weren't crushing my chest.
I know what my responsibilities are and where I stand with everyone in my life except for you. You come and go, that's where we are. I'm still here. Still waiting to catch you, but I have other priorities in my life as well and I am prioritizing them, the ones that have had my back when you didn't over the years deserve that. So much more than you ever did.
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