Last Man Standing.

I am still standing, a decade after I should have fell and been broken. Even in silence and anger I have you're back and I will catch you when you fucking fall every fucking time.

Our biggest fucking problem is that I don't know how to back down, not to you, not to anyone. It's a strength but it makes whatever we are, whatever we were, whatever we are going to be difficult. I will always be here for you, but I will always stand my ground and I will never ever back down.

We've fought a war and ended up on the other side and these emotions remain. I walk away constantly but that's a bridge too far for you to cross. I'm you're albatross in life, I'm aware of that. But I still can't come to you, you have to come to me.

I am missing some of who I used to be, but some of who I used to be is an illusion and wishful thinking... but some of it was real and even tho we had to struggle, I think we were happier than we are now. I know that I was happier then. The weight of the world and the things I haven't done yet even tho I have tried weren't crushing my chest.

I know what my responsibilities are and where I stand with everyone in my life except for you. You come and go, that's where we are. I'm still here. Still waiting to catch you, but I have other priorities in my life as well and I am prioritizing them, the ones that have had my back when you didn't over the years deserve that. So much more than you ever did.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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