I don't know where we stand but I know anything I try to to do I need to be six moves ahead of you because otherwise you'll think you're in control. The secret is, when it comes to me, with one exception, you've never been in control.
It occurs to me at this moment we are at the exact sAme place we were at this time last year. With me angry and hurt and cross with you, yet still planning something stupidly huge that I will follow thru with.
I don't know how to fail. I never did. I'm not about to stop now. I know what I want. What I want is you, what I want is my family back. Complete and whole. There's only one answer to that. You know what it is. You set the rules. I just changed the questions.
I can deal with the silence and the mindgames, I know you'll always come back. For what it's worth you and I are the only constants left in each other's life. That was by you're choice and you're design.
Love you or hate you, at war, at peace or at silence, I'm always going to be here. I may not like it, and there are often times I don't like it or like you. But that doesn't matter because I've promised you and I've promised others to always be there for you. I honour my promises. Even when I hate the thought of it.
You destroyed my life and my other relationships on multiple occasions. Because there can't be anyone else other than you right? And still I forgive you, but let's not think I'm stupid or blind. I see every movement, the same way you do. And I have forced myself to think critically about every one and match you word for word, thought for thought action for action. Nothing in this world is a vacuum. I used to react with emotion and behaviour, impulsively. You still do. I think first. There is always more to the story.
For the last six months I have had to deal with more than you and I, and that's important too. But all you're constant actions prove is that it is all about you. Not our kid, not our extended family. Just me and you and me being the light at the end of the tunnel, the back up plan, the one who will always be there.
Wrong. I am the black hole that will suck all the light out. That's what you've made me. Just because I am inevitable, and things will eventually happen, it doesn't mean it's a positive for either one of us. It's why I have set rules. It's why there's a timetable. It's why I can and will walk away agian. Everything is just another movement on the board. It will be until the end. You're actions this year have proved that. Some things may get forgiven, some things can't.
Or be forgotten.
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