Skip to main content

Haunted.

A year ago you betrayed me for probably the last time, and I have same agenda now that I did then. I am always going to standing exactly where I am, and I'm always going to be here. But I can't say it's not tinged with degrees of bitterness and anger. 


Because those things? Those things are fucking constant. We could have had a better life you and I, a better life for our child too. But you made choices... choices that didn't include me.


Why do you think it hurt so fucking much last year?


Sometimes I hate myself for missing you as much as I do... other times I use it as fucking fuel.


That being said I don't need you in my life, I want you to be in my life when you're willing to be. I have my freinds and my family and I have a good time with them and I don't want for anything in this life. No matter where I go I will always have them. I missed my son last night but I didn't think at all about you because I was happy with my buddies. That's where things stand right now. I'm going to enjoy my life and have adventures. I have never needed you for that.


I just wanted you to be a part of them.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...