Skip to main content

A Fools Errand.



I will never stop trying, even if it leads me to failure. Either this is the most epic thing I will ever do or the most Insane. Either way it needs to be fucking done. I no longer have a choice. I can't do another year of maybe.


I was a good father. I always made this season mean something even when the two of you didn't know a thing. This may be the last year I try to do anything on the grand scale. I know I was a good husband and a good dad. You abandoned me, I never abandoned you, you can never put that guilt on me.  Every action, everything I've done good or bad... I regret none of it. I did the right thing in the moment. Just like I'm doing now... one last chance. One last maybe. But it's time, and it's the right thing.


I don't know if this weekend will amount to anything. But I'm going to fucking try. After this it might few and far between however. I'm willing to try but I'm not something you can discard or continue to destroy. Or pretend like I'm anything more than a back plan and a second choice. I know at this point in game that's all I am. And the fact I know you've always loved me most. We just got complicated as fuck. One day it'll work, but I'm not waiting around for that day. And after this I'm done trying for a very long while.


You know that.


This is one last try. You know my life doesn't reach to you, you've gotta come over to me.


The phone call was made. Offer extended. Merry Christmas.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more