Skip to main content

No Way Home

I am never coming home, ever. I walked away from this place once. I will never fucking return. The fact that it has been 17 years since you kicked me out over the holidays has not been lost on me. I tried, but this was the last attempt. I am fucking done. He's an adult. No more need for you're mind games. No more need to come home. It's not like it would have fucking worked out anyways. There is simply too much time passed, that's all it is... emotions remain but our separate worlds divide us and likely

Always will. 


...as much as I wish that would change. I can't come to you, my life

Doesn't reach that far... it never has. You need to come to

Me, and now more than ever that's going to be the fucking case.... this was the last fucking heartbreak and silent betrayal. You're good at those. Keep it fucking up. Tear that last shreds of my black heart so I become complete void of emotion. It's easier for both of us when I don't care.


The difference is this time if the love goes, so does the anger. Because I let one of those go a very long tome ago. So you are simply left with the love, and if you lose that completely one day, and trust me that day is coming, after this latest silent betrayal there's not much left.


I won't be the one that fucking regrets it.


At least I'm me, I'm fueled by emotions and my bad decisions. And I accept what comes my way good or bad instead of blaming others and playing the victim. An act you are so very good at.


The one thing I am very good at is being raw and honest. The one think you are very good at is being fake and plastic and wearing a mask for those that don't truly know you.


But I am the love of your life, however damaged, I know you heart and soul, I know what hides behind that mask. I just don't know if I want the weight of you're world on my shoulders anymore. No need to.


You need me in you're life a lot more than I ever needed you. But I don't need to be at a distance staring into your life anymore. So I won't be.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...