The Final Line in The Sand....

I'm calling you're bluff. I want to see if you love him more than you hate me. You're actions this week will prove fucking everything.

Our natural order is hating each other. The time for any moment of love is long past. You're most recent actions always prove this. It's logical for you to be my enemy. It's not intelligent but emotional for you to be my soulmate. It's something you will always be, but we are damaged and better on opposing sides.

One of us always has to be the fucking villain. Might as well be me for the moment because one day that will change and you're cowardice will be exposed.

You betrayed me, over and over again and still I forgave you. I tried to love you when every instinct was to run, every instinct still is to hate you. My feelings for you run deep and some of them run dark. And you fucking wonder why I have abandonment issues.... here's a clue. But my abandonment issues are nothing in comparison to yours. I can look at the man in the mirror every morning and say I tried my damndest and my hardest to keep my family together.

While you're world crumbles with or without me...

... I'll still be here waiting to catch you when you fall. I'll always be here. Whether or not you love me or you hate me, and I don't think you truly hate me. I don't think you do anything but love me. But I think we are complicated.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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