The Final Line in The Sand....

I'm calling you're bluff. I want to see if you love him more than you hate me. You're actions this week will prove fucking everything.

Our natural order is hating each other. The time for any moment of love is long past. You're most recent actions always prove this. It's logical for you to be my enemy. It's not intelligent but emotional for you to be my soulmate. It's something you will always be, but we are damaged and better on opposing sides.

One of us always has to be the fucking villain. Might as well be me for the moment because one day that will change and you're cowardice will be exposed.

You betrayed me, over and over again and still I forgave you. I tried to love you when every instinct was to run, every instinct still is to hate you. My feelings for you run deep and some of them run dark. And you fucking wonder why I have abandonment issues.... here's a clue. But my abandonment issues are nothing in comparison to yours. I can look at the man in the mirror every morning and say I tried my damndest and my hardest to keep my family together.

While you're world crumbles with or without me...

... I'll still be here waiting to catch you when you fall. I'll always be here. Whether or not you love me or you hate me, and I don't think you truly hate me. I don't think you do anything but love me. But I think we are complicated.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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